


Seven Year Slayer

by dutchbuffy



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Prophecy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 04:58:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11177538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dutchbuffy/pseuds/dutchbuffy
Summary: Somewhere a few months into an imaginary season 7, Buffy finds a mysterious prophecy.Seven years is a long time to slay. Something’s gotta change!





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy’s trying to deal with the new Spike; they find a mysterious manuscript

Ten o’clock. Buffy strolled between headstones in the cemetery just as she had every other night since being called. Giles had asked her to keep an extra lookout for the new and the strange, because of a serious earthquake last night. All kinds of new subterranean passageways might have opened.

Buffy sensed a presence.

"Spike."

"Slayer." Spike seemed very subdued. "You and the Nibblet get through the quake alright?"

"Sure," Buffy said, "we’re form California, what’s a little earthquake to us?"

"Do you want me to patrol?" Spike asked quietly.

"Don’t you always?"

Spike just nodded. The first few weeks after he’d returned he’d been extremely weird; crazy, having visions and hearing voices. Buffy hadn’t known how to deal with that, certainly not after she found out he had a soul. Thankfully Spike seemed to want to stay away from her, too. After a few months he’d started showing up on patrol, and at the frequent gatherings at the Magic Box. Buffy’d gotten used to his presence at her side again.

Without speaking they walked their rounds. After a couple of abortive attempts at conversation Buffy couldn’t stand the silence any longer.

"What’s with the Bashful act? I like him even less then I liked Grumpy!" she snapped.

Spike frowned at her, not getting the reference. Still, a frown was an expression, some progress here.

"Spike," Buffy tried again, "it’s not that I don’t appreciate the silent support or anything, I do. But we’ve been patrolling together for weeks now, and you hardly say a word. It’s really bugging me! What’s up with you?"

Spike gave her ghost of a smile. "It’s not as if you appreciated me for my conversation, did you? Look, I don’t know what to say to you, so I don’t. Then there can be no foot in mouth, no angry Slayer." His voice trailed off. Even talking this much had him close to losing control.

"Spike, look at me! I really think we should talk. You’re acting all weird."

Exasperated, Buffy resorted to less subtle tactics. She made a move towards him, her fist already raised.

Spike jerked back. "Hey! None of that now. I’m not your bloody punching bag! No more games, Slayer."

Buffy, stumped, strode on in angry silence. This was so humiliating. And annoying. Spike was supposed to love her forever, even if she didn’t return his feelings. They turned the corner of a giant mausoleum and saw a great gaping hole in the earth.

"Guard my back?" she asked.

Spike nodded.

Well, isn’t this just great, Buffy thought. First you can’t get the man to shut up, now he doesn’t talk at all. So not a lot of fun anymore!

But then she reminded herself that it hadn’t been ‘fun’ before either, but an unhealthy addiction to shagging the undead. No. She’d used someone who loved her for sex. She’d abused him. And then the person who loved her had hurt her. She’d trusted him. It was always this same series of thoughts, a vicious circle she couldn’t seem to break free from. What did she even feel about Spike now? Uncomfortable, that was for sure! Buffy climbed down the chasm carefully, and got a rip in her suede jacket anyway. The rift opened up into an eerily lit tunnel.

What evil underworld thing will I be fighting any minute now? It was getting kind of repetitive. Well, no wonder, she’d been doing this for almost seven years straight.

As she walked through the tunnel, lost in thought, she ran smack into an evil demon acolyte. Or that’s what it looked like, all scaly and got up in crusty jeweled robes. Buffy killed him before he even had had time to register her presence. The demon had been carrying a great big sack. Buffy peeked in. Huge, leathery, old looking books with unreadable lettering printed on it, in what looked like dried blood.

"I’ll just take these with me for Giles. Thanks for the speedy delivery!" The demon didn’t answer back.

Buffy stepped over the corpse and made her way up to the surface again.

Then she heard the voices. Spike’s, and a female voice? More than one? She put the sack down and hurried towards the sound. Spike, vamp face on, was standing with his back to a crypt, apparently having a great time, laughing and flirting with three skanky ho’s – no, three skanky vampire ho’s.

Buffy didn’t know what came over her. She felt an enormous rage welling up inside, and with a roar of fury she sprang in the middle of the little group, stake ready. She dispatched the first vampire within a second.

"Get away from Spike!" she heard herself yelling. "He’s mine!" Poof! That was number two turned to dust, then three, and then there were none. Buffy came out of her murderous frenzy, shaking with emotion, or adrenaline, or something.

"What the hell were you thinking, Slayer!", Spike growled, clearly pissed off. "I was just pumping these ladies for a little information, and there you were, like an avenging fury, avenging…nothing!"

"I…I just got real mad," Buffy said lamely.

"What for? It’s not as if I need protection!" Spike looked at her angrily. "And what’s more, you were yelling: ‘He’s mine!?’ Like: ‘I don’t want him, but nobody else can have him’?"

"Hey! Look on the bright side! At least you’re talking again!" Buffy tried for perky.

"I was talking just fine with the ladies here," Spike snapped back. "It’s you I have a problem with!"

Buffy’s face fell. Spike sighed in frustration and ran his hand through his hair. "Sorry. Didn’t mean that the way it came out. Better call it a night, eh?" He loped off into the night.

"What’s wrong with you?" Buffy yelled after him. There was no reaction.

Spike hurried off, not heeding to Buffy’s call. Yeah, what could possibly be wrong with him? His great love didn’t love him back, and never would; the soul was killing him; so his conversation wasn’t so gripping anymore? Least of his worries!

*

"Prezzies!" Buffy chanted happily as she plunked the two huge manuscripts on Giles’ desk. "Got ‘em off an evil demon thing in the new earthquake rift in the cemetery."

Giles pushed his glasses up his nose excitedly. "Wonderful, Buffy! Hmm…oracle of…something…books of the …Slayer? Well! Sounds fascinating! I’ll get right on to it!"

"Have fun! And let me know when the apocalypse is scheduled…"

Buffy sat down next to Willow. "Hey Willow."

"Hey yourself, " Willow said. "Any action tonight, besides getting the Gilesy goodies?"

"Nah, just dusted the three evil Pointy Sisters, who were having way too much fun flirting with Spike…"

She trailed off. "I really just said that, didn’t I?"

Willow looked at her in amusement. "Jealous much?"

Buffy made a face. "Just a little leftover jealousy, maybe, which should go the way of all good leftovers."

"Keep it in the fridge, heat it up the next day and eat it?" Willow asked ingenuously.

"Oh… is that what you do with leftovers? I always just throw them away…that’s what I meant. Spike and I should both move on, you know? Don’t you think that sounds very mature? Spike should go for the new Drusilla, and me for…"

"The next cute vampire?"

"Willow!"

"Sorry…consider it unsaid."

Buffy looked down at her hands and toyed with a bracelet. "What you say hits pretty close, though, Will. I think I’m forever spoiled for the ordinary boys."

"You mean that? I thought Riley was pretty cute…Before he, you know, wasn’t so cute anymore," Willow continued hastily, seeing the look on Buffy’s face.

"He wasn’t so bad, at first; but I guess I meant sex with ordinary boys. I’ll never be able to settle for that again."

Willow’s eyes grew round. "Because sex with Spike was…?"

"Different." Amazing. Mind-blowing. Earth-shattering, totally wild, lasting forever…Buffy looked away from Willow curious gaze.

Willow laughed uncomfortably. "Whoa, Buffy, I’ll never be able to look at Spike the same way again…is it just Spike, or do all vampires…?"

Buffy frowned, not looking up. "You mean, like with Angel? Who knows, I was 17, it was the first and only time, it doesn’t compare. All vampires have the strength and the stamina, of course, but the imagination and sensitivity…"

"We’re still talking about Spike?" Willows voice rose.

"Shh!" Buffy hissed. "No need to advertise!"

"Girl, he sounds like very woman’s dream - if you’re into guys, that is- what are you waiting for? Go get your soul-man!"

"Hey, you forgetting the hundred years of bloody murder, the stalking, and everything? Besides, it’s over."

"Uh-huh. Of course. It’s over. You should move on. Good plan." Buffy looked at Willow suspiciously, but she kept a straight face. "Buffy? Is Spike alright? I thought he still looked pretty frazzled?"

"And I should know this why?"

"I thought…. You patrol together again, right? Don’t you guys talk?"

"Spike doesn’t really talk anymore."

"That sure is different."

"Not to me, anyway."

"Oh."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More about the manuscript / Slayer lore

Buffy was dreaming. Always the same one, lately. She woke up in her own bed, warmly cuddled from behind by her boyfriend. She felt completely at peace, safe and loved. But then she turned around, and saw it was Spike. The mood changed abruptly: instead of safety and sleepy contentment there was want and challenge. They had hot violent sex all over her bedroom, as they’d had so many times in alleys and his crypt. But then they climbed back in bed, and the mood changed again, back to love and tenderness. Buffy fell asleep again, curled against Spike’s back.

Then she always woke up for real. Hot and sweaty, bedclothes tangled. Since Spike’s return the dreams had become more frequent; they happened every night now. Buffy didn’t know what to make of the dreams. When she met Spike on patrol, he was distant and uncommunicative. It annoyed her, but she had no desire to reinitiate a relationship. So why dream about it all the time? Was it good or bad? The future? A warning?

Buffy and Dawn were walking, arms linked, to the Magic Box, to the meeting Giles had called. Dawn was skipping with excitement.

"Whaddya think, Buffy? Is there a new Big Bad in town?"

"Maybe… Giles said he’d translated part of the scrolls I found…so I’m thinking prophecies, end of the world, that kind of thing."

They were the last in. The rest of the gang was already seated around the big table, except Spike, who was leaning against the ladder as usual.

"I’d better kick off, shall I?" Giles said, with a glance all around. "I’ve translated the first of the scrolls Buffy and Spike found…"

"Hey! I found them. Spike was having fun with a couple of his fellow vampiresses!" Buffy interjected.

"Spike! Vampiresses? Back to basics?" Xander said with glee.

Spike refused to bite.

"May we continue?" Giles’ voice took on an irritated edge. "You can have your little spat some other time. As I was saying, I’ve translated the first book of the scroll. It has something very interesting to say. Apparently, a Slayer who has managed to stay alive for seven years, can, under certain conditions, transcend to a higher level of existence. She may even become immortal, that’s not quite clear yet."

"Whoa, Buffy!" Willow said with shining eyes, her enthusiasm making her seem like her old self for a moment. "Immortal!"

"Immortal? You mean I’d have to go on slaying for the next umpteen thousand years? A big no to that! " Buffy said emphatically.

Giles coughed. "There’s more, please try to hear me out first. The said Slayer will then transfer her burden to another Slayer, referred to as the Sacrifice. She will be free of her daily Slaying duties. There is also mention of an Eternal Champion. It seems he and the slayer must or will ascend together. Apparently, they will travel the worlds together, living to see their children and their children’s children grow up. They will be called on now and then to perform a service to the Powers of Good."

For once Buffy was silent. Free of Slaying duties! It sounded wonderful. Not dying young…seeing the world… having children someday…

She was jerked out of her reverie by Willow’s voice. "Who gets to be the Eternal Champion? Sounds like it must be a human guy?"

"Well, I’m hoping to find more details about him in the next scroll. In this one, there is also mention of a ritual, with several more participants beside the Slayer and the Champion. The Sacrifice, The Spirit, Mind and Heart, which we’ll all still remember from our Adam-defeating spell. There is also mention of a great work the Slayer must accomplish, similar to the masterpiece a journeyman had to complete in olden days."

"Hey, I did any number of great works! The Master, The Mayor, Glory, you name it. Wouldn’t that cover it?"

"It certainly sounds plausible, Buffy, but I’m still in the first stages of understanding all this. But since you play such a central role, it seemed a good idea to let you in on it as early as possible…"

"I feel it puts a completely different perspective on Slayer lore," Willow said thoughtfully. "It’s always been claimed so far, that Slayers ought to be solitary and so on. Now it seems that all our roles are a necessity to a… a journeyman Slayer, who wants to be a Master Slayer!"

"I agree, Willow, the Slayer lore the Council puts out is defective somehow. This knowledge must have been lost."

"Or suppressed?"

" Maybe," Buffy joined in, "there weren’t Watchers before; and the Master Slayer trained and watched over the Journeyman and Apprentice Slayers. So maybe it isn’t normal that most Slayers live only a few years or less after they were called; maybe that happened because the system broke down somehow."

"Exactly, Buffy! Good thinking!" Giles sounded faintly surprised.

"Hey, I do have a brain, even if I never use it!" For some reason, Buffy glanced at Spike as she said this, and was just able to catch an expression of amusement on his face. She hastily looked away again. Better not go there…

"So?" Buffy went on, "I really want to know about my Forever Knight -"

"Eternal Champion!"

"- whatever. Does it say what he looks like, and how we find him?"

"No, the information on him is very sketchy, as I said. I hope to find more in the next scroll. However, common sense and knowledge of the rules of magic can tell us a lot: my guess is he would have to be a warrior in his own right, be human, perhaps have supernatural powers, and be dedicated to the forces of good."

"No one like that in the room," Xander said.

"No one like that in Sunnydale!" Buffy countered. "I would have met him long before now."

"Nothing known in the Demon and Vampire world about a bloke like that. Word would’ve got round," Spike said.

"We can safely conclude that he would have to be from outside Sunnydale!" Giles interjected.

"Hey, how about Batman? Which one would you pick? I’m betting not the Beetlejuice guy, whatsisname?" Xander joked.

"Definitely George Clooney, " Buffy said. "Those brown eyes…"

"And here I’m thinking you preferred blue ones!," Willow teased Buffy.

"Please concentrate! We’re not done yet!"

"Okay Giles, concentrating right now!" Willow answered hastily. "How about LA? Don’t you think the description sort of matches Angel?"

Buffy made a face. Spike tried to look neutral at the mention of his grandsire.

"Great, let’s bring Dead Boy back here! You could be eternally worried about him turning evil again!"

Giles ignored Xander.

"I don’t imagine, Willow, that the Champion could be a vampire, even if he has a soul and fights on the right side."

"Thank god, Angel and Spike are out!" Xander muttered.

Suddenly Dawn spoke up. "Why are you saying this eternal guy already has to have all these powers? Couldn’t he just be an ordinary boy, and then the ritual would turn him into this hero? Wouldn’t that make more sense? That the Slayer would get the guy she loved as a reward?"

Everyone turned and looked at Dawn. She became nervous and started backing out. "Okay, okay, I’m sorry I said anything. What do I know, huh?"

"No, no, Dawn, on the contrary! You made a valid point! " Giles said quickly. "There is actually no reason why our theory would be better than yours, since we don’t know anything with any certainty yet. Yes, why not the mundane lover? Love might be an important factor!"

"A what lover?" Buffy, Dawn and Xander said simultaneously.

"Ordinary, non-magical," Willow explained.

"Yeah, well, I’ll say what you’re all thinking: there is no boyfriend, and since my non-luck with the guys is legendary, let’s not even think about finding someone for eternity in a couple of months," Buffy said morosely.

Willow sneaked a look at Spike. He was staring at the floor. Shoulders hunched.

"But," she tried again, "if an ordinary guy can be transformed into a superhero by this spell, why couldn’t, say, a vampire, or a demon be turned into a human?"

"You still on the Angel track, Will? You want him back here?" Xander said.

"Not necessarily Angel," Willow persevered, "it could be any vampire or demon!"

Everyone looked at Spike.

"Don’t look at me!" Spike said defensively. "I’m not applying!"

"I should hope not," Giles said. "I don’t know why you’re focusing on vampires, Willow, they don’t seem the most likely option to me at all."

"I give in to peer pressure!" Willow said. "Come on, I’ll help you with the next scroll."

*

"Hey Spike."

"Hey Willow."

"You speak lots of demon languages, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Wanna help with the translation?"

"Why not?"

"Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"You alright? You know, the soul and everything?"

"Not really. Thanks for asking though. You?"

"Sort of hanging on… barely… sort of lonely…you know?"

"Yeah."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Slayer lore

"Okay, Giles, we’re all set, shoot!" Xander said expectantly.

Giles looked troubled. "Um, well, most of this scroll is about locating and identifying the different personae playing a role in the Ascension Ritual: Spirit, Mind and Heart we already have identified; the other major players, Sacrifice and Champion, will have to be found." He coughed.

"Now for the unpleasant bit: the Sacrifice is the persona who must take the place of the Slayer when she ascends. Voluntarily. Requirements are that she must be human, female and virgin."

"Pity! If it was male, demon and been around, we could have sacrificed Spike!" Xander sniped.

Giles sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sacrifice in this ritual is not literally what you imagine a sacrifice to be, Xander. The person is not cut open on the altar and so forth; the sacrifice is of her life, but in the sense that she will be the Chosen One, the Vampire Slayer, in Buffy’s place."

"I’ll do it!" Dawn’s eyes were shining with excitement. "I’ll take Buffy’s place! I’ve always wanted to be a Slayer, it would be so cool!"

"Dawn, this is not a dec…" Giles began, but he was cut off by Buffy’s flat "No."

"No way, Dawn. I’m not going to let that happen to you, like it happened to me. It’s not a way of life anyone should choose. Just…just no. Never."

Spike spoke up unexpectedly. "Not your choice to make, Slayer. Dawn’s the same age you were when you were called."

"It is so my choice to make! I’m Dawn’s guardian. And it is certainly none of your business!"

"Oh really?" Spike refused to back down. "Did your mother have a say in your being Chosen? I remember she didn’t like it when she found out, don’t I?"

Willow said, with a thoughtful look at Buffy, "Dawn is a different person form you, Buffy. You hated being a Vampire Slayer; you would have preferred to stick to shopping and boys or something. Dawn knows what it means to be a Slayer, and she’s always wanted to be part of it."

Spike added, "Plus, added benefit, she won’t be in as much danger as you were. I take it you’re not gonna ride off into the sunset the moment you’ve ascended. You’ll be the Master Slayer and can stick around to train her."

Dawn followed all this with shining eyes, and looked pleadingly at Buffy. "Buffy, please, It’ll be so cool to be a Slayer…"

"It’s not cool!" Buffy grated. "You get no sleep, you kill horrible ugly things all night, get blood and worse on your clothes, you can’t tell anyone, you have no chance at a normal relationship, you die young!"

"You didn’t!" Dawn said heatedly. "And I want to be strong like you. I’ll be able to defend myself. I’ll never be mugged or raped…"

"Xander, not one word! " Buffy said without looking at him.

"It can be lots of fun too, you know, having supernatural powers! Ordinary human beings just don’t know what they’re missing!" Anya busied herself giving everyone second rounds of coffee. "Right, Willow, Spike? Would you give it up? Or even you, Buffy?"

Willow and Spike both shook their heads. After a pause Buffy grudgingly admitted that she wouldn’t want to go back to being an ordinary human.

"But that’s wisdom after the fact," Buffy argued. "Choosing it deliberately is different. Spike did you, in full knowledge, choose to be a vampire?"

"No," Spike admitted reluctantly. "I had no idea what I was agreeing to when I met Dru."

"Giles! You say something!" Buffy appealed to Giles.

"As I was about to say earlier, this is not a decision to be made lightly. But, as some of you were saying, Dawn is a pretty likely candidate. She not only fits the requirements, but she’s also the only candidate who has a fair idea of what she’d be getting into."

"Thanks, Giles! You see, Buffy? Everyone thinks I should do it! Please, Buffy! Think of what it would mean to you!"

Buffy felt trapped. "Why are you all ganging up on me? Don’t you see I can’t and won’t sacrifice my own sister for my selfish needs?"

"Buffy," Xander said earnestly, "we’re not against you. We’re for you! We want to give you a chance to take this opportunity, seize your moment! You deserve it! You’ve been slaying for years, and you never get anything back for it, besides the umbrella. You’re a hero, and you deserve rest and a more normal life, and happiness!"

"Hear, hear Xander! Well said!"

Xander glowed at the unaccustomed praise from Giles.

‘The answer is still a big no!"

Buffy struggled, grasping for alternatives. "What about Faith? Maybe we can wait till she gets out of prison? We could put out an ad?"

She put her face in her hands. "O god. There is no one else, is there?"

"You know our opinion, Buffy. No need for haste. Think it over." Giles said gently. "I suggest we put this subject to rest for the time being."

*****

Buffy was feeling antsy. Killing five vamps in a row hadn’t relieved the tension as much as it usually did. And why hadn’t Spike shown up on patrol? It wasn’t as if he had anything else to do! He’d already been on his stupid ladder when she’d come in, clothes dusty with vampire remains.

Giles was speaking. "… and get on with the rest of the scroll. If I’m not boring you, of course."

"There’s a lot of pretty impenetrable stuff about Slayers and vampires being two sides of the same coin. The Slayer is a power of light, with its origins in darkness. Vampires are a force of darkness, who started out as innocents, beings of the light. There are hints of a magical connection between vampires and slayers, apart from Slayer and Slayee that is. But I must admit, I’ve little idea what this could mean in connection to the ritual."

"Death is the first connection, Watcher, and sex the second: Eros and Thanatos, also sides of the same coin," Spike said.

"What the hell does that mean, Evil Undead? Slayers are supposed to have sex with vampires? You wish!" Xander looked around for support.

Giles and Willow looked thoughtful, Buffy looked away, and Dawn didn’t have a clue. Anya fiddled with some bills at the cash register. Spike looked back steadily, refusing to be drawn. Willow mouthed to Giles, 'We’ll talk!' Giles looked nonplussed, but nodded.

A rather strained silence fell.

"You know," Willow speculated, "this could be the Council suppressing again. A bunch of righteous old men, determined that the sixteen-year-old girls do their bidding? They wouldn’t want them sleeping with the enemy. Or with any one at all. I never thought of that...a sexual component in the Slayer’s powers… sleeping with vampires would only make her more powerful!"

More strained silence. Coughing.

"Buffy, remember you and Dracula? How you had to fight to get out of his thrall?"

This Buffy could answer. "Yeah, and he kept hinting about my dark power, and how I didn’t know the half of it…" She fingered his bite thoughtfully.

Giles manfully wrenched the talk to another subject: "I had also hoped to learn more of our last player, the Eternal Champion. But, alas, it appears that scroll number three dealt with that subject. Are you sure there was no third scroll, Buffy?"

Buffy shrugged. "The demon I killed sure didn’t have it on him. But I didn’t get that deep into the tunnels. Want me to check it out?"

"If you would, yes. "

Buffy looked at Spike. "You on for tomorrow?"

The Scoobies started to clear up and leave.

*****

"Giles, do you have a minute? I want tot talk to you alone," Buffy asked. They went into the training room. "You probably can guess all the talk tonight kind of wigged me, I mean the bit about Slayers and vampires. So I wanted to ask you some stuff without everyone butting in. What Spike said, does that mean that Slayers are supposed to have sex with vampires? That I’m not some kind of freak, but that it’s normal – for Slayers, that is? But there’s nothing like that in the Watcher’s diaries, right?"

"Yes, yes and no." At Buffy’s look, Giles hastened to explain. "There’s nothing in the diaries. But none of the really vital stuff seems to be: The first, or this ritual. And yes, I think Spike was right: the text seems to imply that there is a mutual attraction between Slayer and Vampires. I’ve been thinking it’s one of the things that might go to explaining the high mortality rate of Slayers."

"Eew! You mean their lovers ate them?"

"Your talent for language will never cease to amaze me, Buffy. But – yes. I think you've been exceptionally lucky, as indeed in other things: your lover had souls, and/or chips."

"Again with the ew! They had sex with vampires without souls? Yucky and dangerous!"

"Actually," Giles began, "It was my impression that you and Spike were… intimate… long before he gained a soul? "

Buffy considered this for a moment. "Yeah, sure, but Spike is different!"

"How is he different? "

"The feelings… he loved Drusilla for a hundred years, the chip, the looks…"

"I’m sure there’ve been other handsome vampires through the ages; perhaps even natural blonds, " Giles said dryly. "But the feelings, yes, that may be unique. Buffy, I don’t want to pry - well, actually, I do. Have you yourself noticed a difference in your response between your human and your vampire lovers?"

Buffy wrinkled her nose. "You mean, is sex better with the one than with the other? Well, yeah! Like comparing a… a shot of heroin to a sip of Gatorade!"

Giles eyebrow rose. "I take it we human males are the lemonade?"

"It’s like, not unpleasant as such, but bland and boring, and no stamina…" Buffy stopped. "Sorry, didn’t want to hurt your feelings. It’s not as if I’ve tried out all that many, right? Maybe it was just Riley and me…"

They fell silent, feeling embarrassed about the personal stuff.

"Buffy, you’ve been bitten by vampires. Three, if I’m correct?"

"If this is a roundabout way of asking me if Spike bit me, no he didn’t. And Angel only did it because I forced him to."

"It’s supposed to be a rush to drink blood! Well, perhaps only in Anne Rice."

Buffy snorted. "Huh! Lestat never has sex with anyone! So how true can those books be? I think we’re done here, Giles. I leave here less freaky than I came, which is good." Buffy turned to go. "Actually, one more thing: What's in it for the vampires?"

At Giles blank look, she continued. "Why would they care about having sex with Slayers? What is their gain? What’s different for them from sex with other vampires or even humans?"

"I just don’t know, Buffy. Redemption? Slayer blood? Revenge? Malice? In memory of their lost humanity? For some reason our reference material never mentions sex. Do you think you can ask Spike?"

"He’s not exactly forthcoming these days – but I’ll try."

***

"Giles?"

"Willow?"

"Are we thinking the same thing?"

"What?"

"Slayer empowerment by Vampire Sex?"

"It makes me queasy just to think of that as Buffy’s destiny."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vampire Slayer lore; Spike and Buffy talk

"Um, Spike? Can I ask you a question?"

"I s’pose, " Spike said guardedly. "It’s not as if you’ll stop if I say no, is it?"

"Remember the other night? Slayers and Vampires? Eros and Tantalus?"

Spike smiled slightly. "Uh huh."

"Well, what do vampires want sex with slayers for? What’s in it for them?"

Spike walked on silently for a while, skirting a few gravestones. "Well, ‘s far as I know, vampires mostly don’t want it. They want blood, not sex. From humans, that is. Not that it never happens, mind you. It’s just not their main goal."

"Oh." Buffy digested this for a few moments. "Why do…did you want it?"

"Dunno." Spike shrugged. "The chip maybe. And it was only you. Haven’t shagged a human being in donkey’s years."

"You only killed the other slayers?"

"Yeah. Told you, didn’t I?"

Buffy felt perplexed. "So… it wasn’t true then, what you said about love and death?"

A deep sigh from Spike. "Buffy – sex is not love. And…I was trying to avoid the issue a bit. First, I loved you, and from that followed the sex."

"Loved? Past tense?" Buffy felt hurt in spite of herself.

"Buffy – we’re not talking about me present tense. ‘Cause I don’t want to. I’ll talk in general, to help you, but that is far as it goes." Another sigh. Spike sat down on a low crypt. "Remember Angel? Was he drawn to you or not? Wasn’t that love? Poor bloke had some bad luck, which prevented anything growing from it. But I’d say that was your perfect example of a vampire being drawn to a Slayer. And Dracula?"

"Angel had a soul. Would he even react like a normal vampire?"

"A soul is not that big a deal, Slayer. Makes you realize what’s right from wrong, but you can still be evil if you want to. You should know that!"

He’s calling me 'Slayer’ again, Buffy thought. He’s starting to back out. "Actually, I don’t, Spike. I’ve never not had a soul, and the only person that I know in both states, so to speak, was pretty different with than without."

"Bloody Peaches."

"Back to you, Spike. No more skirting round the subject. You really think the only reason you started to love a Slayer was the chip?"

"Buffy, you may find this hard to understand in your quest for academic knowledge, but this is actually very personal for me! I’m not gonna bare my soul so you can do a little spell, get it? I started to love you, who knows why, and the rest followed."

"Doesn’t sound very romantic!"

"Thought you didn’t care for romance with vampires, love."

Bollocks! That "love" slipped out. Best bugger off, then.

Buffy smiled. "I like it when you call me that, Spike. Now."

That stopped him. "Huh. The soul makes a difference then?"

"Of course it does," Buffy said. "Remember you know who?"

Spike shook his head. "I’m the same person, Buffy. I still did all those things, and I could still do them. Or want to, anyway."

"Not doing them matters, Spike. Everybody thinks of doing bad things, but only the people that actually do them are evil!"

"Still thinkin’ in black and white, Buffy? The world's gray, you know. When you grow older you’ll get that."

"Yeah, as if you’re so mature!" Buffy retorted, stung. "You’ve lived like a bum for hundred years! You know all about maturity, do you?"

"I think this conversation is over, Slayer," Spike said. "Pick my brain some other time." He got up from the crypt and started walking away.

"You are so aggravating!"

"Nothing’s changed then, eh?" Spike said without looking back.

Buffy hurried after him, determined not to let go until she had some answers. She grabbed his arm and tried to walk alongside him. "Okay Spike, you set the rules, just so long as you keep talking."

Spike looked down on her, bitterly amused. "Never thought I’d hear you say that!"

"Yeah yeah, gloat already!" Buffy looked up at his face, seeing the muscles still bunched at his jaw. Still not amused, she thought. "Come on, Spike, talk to me about Eros and the other one. Explain it to me in short words. The vampire viewpoint part, because I get the Slayer part."

"Do you now? You’ve actually accepted your dark side? The side of you that likes vampires and danger and spicy sex?"

Buffy put her chin up and faced him. "I think so", she said defiantly. "I’m a killer; I get off on it; and if I ever love someone, the sex will not be vanilla. So what?"

"Brave words. Maybe you even believe them. And who will you love?" Not something he’d intended to say!

"I don’t know. Lot’s of vampires in this world, right?"

The moment the flippant words left her mouth she knew she blew it. Spike stalked off without a word.

Shit. That must have hurt, she thought. Foot in mouth Slayer this time. I didn’t mean to hurt him. What must he be thinking?

Bloody bitch! Anyone rather than me! Doesn’t care about souls, or people being vampires; as long as it isn’t Spike. Bloody hell! Why did I ever agree to talk to her! He’d give anything not to have heard this. Angrily he wiped his eyes. Bloody puppy that you are! She’ll never love you; get that through your thick skull!

Buffy contemplated returning home for a moment, but decided against it. The longer she waited apologizing, the worse it would get. She caught up with Spike again.

"Spike, stop, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that…" Buffy’s voice trailed off when she saw the devastated look in Spike’s eyes,. She put her hand on his arm again.

"For God’s sake, Slayer, can’t you leave me alone in my misery? You’ve just about left nothing of me. Can’t I have some privacy and dignity? Do you have to know all about the funny vampire who fell in love with the Slayer and got a soul for her, so you can tell your friends and have a good laugh about it?"

Buffy looked shattered. "Spike – what are you saying? You got a soul for me?"

"Are you dense? What else would I want a bloody soul for? So I could brood like the poofter?"

Buffy looked away from the pain in his face, but she couldn’t turn away from her own feelings. She didn’t know exactly what to name them, but they felt huge and they were blocking her throat.

"Spike, I don’t know what to say," she croaked. "It’s so…" She gestured helplessly.

"Doesn’t matter anymore, Buffy. It’s done. Just turned out different than I expected. What else is new, eh? I understand now why you can’t love me. Things I did…and probably would again."

Spike looked at her stricken face. "Not your fault. Casualty of love, that sort of thing. You heard enough? I’d like to go now. You know, to my basement, contemplate my sins?"

"No, Spike, sit. If we have to be here all night, we’re going to talk. Painful or not."

He sat, limp and defeated. "You’re so relentless, Buffy. I really don’t want his. The soul is killing me, and thinking about you makes it worse. Is that so hard to get? Or isn’t that real enough for you?"

"I’m so sorry."

"Buffy, you know what ‘s worse than being a jilted lover? Someone who’s to be pitied. I don’t want your pity." She looked at him with these big eyes. He spelled it out.

"Leave me be?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fight with unexpected consequences

When Buffy got home, she found a very determined looking Dawn waiting for her in the kitchen.

"Buffy, we have to talk."

Buffy groaned. "Dawnie, please, can we do this some other time? If feel totally bushed." She was still feeling the undigested lump of Spike-related emotions that wouldn’t go away.

"I want to do it now, Buffy. It’s really important to me! It's about the Slayer stuff. I really, really want that. It wouldn’t have to be all at once! Like Spike said, you could stick around to help me and train me!"

"Like Spike said." Buffy muttered. "What does he know?"

"Buffy, pay attention!" Dawn accompanied her words by banging her fist on the counter, and a large chunk of it crumbled to the floor with her blow.

Both girls gaped.

"What the…What did you do? Try again!" When Dawn lifted her fist, Buffy caught it before it fell. "No, don’t! Sorry – not here. We’ll try something in the basement."

Dawn followed Buffy to the basement.

"Buffy! It doesn’t even hurt! I’m strong!"

"Yeah, I got that. So did the counter. Here, hit this!" Buffy held up a piece of leftover copper piping.

Dawn broke it effortlessly.

"We’ll try arm wrestling."

Buffy could still beat Dawn, but it was more like grappling with a grizzly bear than a whiny teenager.

Buffy put her head in her arms. "Oh God, Dawn, I’ve failed you so badly. This is the last thing I wanted for you."

"I thought you wanted to show me the world!"

"Yeah, but not this one…the normal world!"

"It just makes us closer, Buffy! And I’m happy about it."

"Don’t sound so certain, yet, Dawn. We’ll go…no, tomorrow we’ll go to Giles. He and Willow will figure out what this means, and how to stop it. Crap. I forgot to go looking for the third scroll! I really, really don’t want to do this tonight. I have to deal with the demons in my head first."

Dawn touched Buffy’s hair. "Hey. Don’t feel so bad about it. This isn’t your fault. We’ll go to bed and tomorrow everything will be better."

"Did it sound as lame when I said that?"

*********

"Buffy? How’s Spike? He seems so out of it…"

"Why does everyone ask me about Spike? It’s not as if we still…you know…"

"Yeah, but he’s still your ex, and he’s in a bad way…don’t you feel something?"

"NO! He’s not my responsibility, Dawn!"

"But he got that soul for you! Doesn’t that make you feel all…romantic?"

"Does everyone know he got the soul for me?"

"Like, duh, Buffy! What else for?"

**********

Buffy was dreaming. A different dream. Even while asleep she perked up at that. She was in Spike’s old crypt. Spike was in bed, covered only by a sheet as usual, moaning and shivering in his sleep. He twisted and turned, muttering unintelligible words. It seemed he was having a very bad dream. She slipped in bed next to him – naked herself – and cuddled him from behind. "Shush, sweetheart, it’s alright." She kissed his shoulder. "It’ll be our little secret." Then she vamped out and bit down hard in Spike’s neck. Spike awoke at that. He didn’t react in horror. He smiled at her so sweetly, so forgivingly, with his blue blue eyes, right up until he died in her arms.

Buffy woke up with a scream in her throat. "Oh, God. Oh god, please no."

She felt her forehead, and her teeth, just to be sure. And she felt aroused, too. How sick a nightmare was that?

*********

Spike and Buffy were on their way to the cemetery again the next evening, carrying flashlights and extra weapons for their second venture in to the earthquake rift.

"Thank God we get to do the fun stuff," Buffy remarked to Spike. "Imagine having to sit still all night, trying to make sense of these boring old scrolls!"

"So? I’ve given Giles a hand with the scrolls now and then. I know a lot of demon languages- and some of it was in ancient Greek, which I also happen to know."

Buffy rolled her eyes at nobody in particular. "Ancient Greek? What would a vampire want with ancient Greek?"

"Learnt it before I was turned, " Spike answered shortly, and could not be persuaded to tell more.

"I guess the having-a-conversation-like-comrades part of patrol is already over again?" Buffy said with a sigh.

"Comrade? Is that how you think of me now?"

"Well, you know, friend, partner, co-slayer, comrade-in-arms, that kind of thing," Buffy elaborated.

"I’m alright with most of ‘em." Spike said with a bitter laugh, "but I’ll never be your friend."

They locked eyes. Buffy remembered Spikes speech about love, years ago, to Angel and herself.

-You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, you'll shag, you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends.-

No, she guessed they would never be friends. Hey wait, that would imply there had been love…on his side, maybe…

In silence they approached the rift. They turned on their flashlights. The first part was rough and broken, but then they entered an obviously existing tunnel. Buffy turned right. She was lucky, because pretty soon they could see a faint shimmer of light.

"Okay," Buffy whispered. "Demon lair, at least five of them."

Buffy stood against the right hand door post, Spike against the left, like a police couple about to enter a suspect’s house.

They entered, Spike first, with a bloodcurdling battle shout. Buffy sprang in second, crashing to the floor, rolling, up again in one fluent movement. There was no fighting. Spike stood in the middle of the lair, looking very apologetic.

"Um, Buffy, I think we better apologize to the family here."

"Family?" Buffy only then realized that from the five demons, three were pups, and one was an ancient crone.

"O, right, sorry, we didn’t know you were there, we’re looking for an old book, this big, have you seen it?"

The two adults stared stonily ahead, but the oldest pup moved its eyes to the little fire they’d all been gathered round.

An old, battered book, looking very much like the third scroll, lay next to the fire. Half the pages had been thorn out. Some other pages were burning merrily in the fire.

Buffy grabbed the book. "Sorry to take away your fuel, but we need it more. We won’t hurt you, bye!"

Very soon they were above ground again. "Well," Buffy said, "that was easy." She felt deflated. "Here I was, all revved up for the action, and then there is no fighting! I just wanted a nice spot of violence before bedtime!" Buffy’s frustrated glance fell on Spike. "Or maybe some other action might do just as nicely…"

"Oh no Slayer, oh no you don’t!" Spike put out his hands and backed up. "None of that now, I told you there were to be no …"

"Spike!" Buffy yelled. "Behind you!"

About a dozen huge horned demons, armed with big shiny swords were advancing on Spike. Buffy heard metallic sounds behind her. Two dozen of the same kind were approaching.

"Buffy! Get a sword!" Spike shouted.

Buffy tried, but with at least five of the demons attacking her at once, it wasn’t easy. "Buffy! Sword incoming!" Buffy plucked the sword out of the air without looking up.

Slowly Buffy and Spike were driven backwards. The supply of sword fighting demons seemed endless, and so did the fight. Buffy was getting really tired.

"Spike!" She gasped. "I can’t hold on! We have to make a run for it!"

"Won’t work, Buffy. Look right!"

Another horde of warrior creatures was approaching, only these were red and scaly. Buffy and Spike were standing back to back now. Buffy braced herself with her left hand against Spike’s back for more leverage, sword in her right hand. Spike mirrored her move. The moment Spike’s hand touched Buffy’s body a flash energy shot through Buffy, leaving sparkly afterimages in her vision. Her strength returned, redoubled, tripled, and the way she cut a swathe through her enemies seemed magical. When the last of Buffy’s opponents fled, she turned around to help Spike, and noticed he’d massacred his share of demons as well. She still felt completely invigorated and energized.

"Wow! Did we kick ass! Did you feel it too?" she asked. "It was like a magical energy spell or something. I still feel great, like I could fly. You?" Buffy did a few back flips as a test.

"Like I just drained a Slayer," Spike said with a too-wide grin.

"Eew! Gross choice of words!"

Spike looked thoughtful. "I reckon it happened when I braced myself against you. Let’s try it again."

Nothing happened. That is, nothing magical happened. Something else happened. Without any conscious volition, Buffy was kissing Spike. Spike was devouring Buffy. They were trying to touch in as many places as they could. Lips, hands, hips, grabbing, rubbing, pushing, eating. They were both gasping as if running a marathon, even Spike. Clothes were shoved up or down, roughly pushed aside, so that maximum closeness could be achieved.

Buffy found herself lying back on a hip-high gravestone, legs in the air, jeans on one leg, boots still on. After only a token feel to see if she was wet, Spike pushed himself inside her. Buffy had never heard the kind of sounds that were coming out of her mouth right now. Spike slammed in hard, pulled back and buried himself up to the hilt again.

"Harder!" Buffy heard herself gasp. "Faster!"

It couldn’t last long and it didn’t. Within minutes Buffy came, yowling like a cat, and Spike followed immediately after, incapable of holding on through her orgasm.

Spike rested his head on her shoulders, and Buffy clamped her arms round him, still shivering and shaking with aftershocks.

"Spike…"

She moved slightly to get more comfortable, and without any warning she was coming again.

"O God, Buffy…" Spike said. "This is not good. I don’t want this. We should stop!" While he said this he had started moving again. It took all of his willpower to get out of Buffy and take a few steps back. He stood there half-naked, shaking with lust, looking at Buffy with anguished eyes. To Buffy it was as if something inside her had been torn out and taken away with Spike.

"Buffy, this is some effect of that energizing spell. This is not you. We’re stronger than this. We can resist this!"

Buffy sat up, still breathing hard. "We should resist this?"

"Slayer, I‘d never do this again if there was no magic. I don’t want it. Come on, put your clothes back on, let’s get some distance."

"Spike, look at you, you don’t want to resist!"

Spike looked down at himself, as if he couldn’t feel the raging hard-on. He shoved his swollen member back in his jeans, grimacing, and started pulling down his T-shirt and buttoned his shirt. Muttering to herself, Buffy put her clothes back in order.

After a few minutes, the magical lust had abated a little. Buffy picked up a demon sword and the remnants of the scroll. She carefully avoided looking at Spike. This was so not the plan, she thought. And how was it that he had been able to stop first, and not she?

"Come on, Spike," she said gruffly, "let’s get this to our British research machine. You have to be there as well, because of the energy spell thingy."

"We’re not telling your bloody Watcher about the after effects!" Spike said, looking ready to flee if she said otherwise.

********

"So, you were exhausted, both of you, afraid you were losing, and then, bam! Out of nowhere there came magical energy?" Giles looked at them over his glasses.

"Well, we think it was at the same time we were sort of simultaneously bracing ourselves against each other. We were fighting back to back, you know?" Buffy and Spike demonstrated their stance, careful to not really touch.

"And now you don’t feel anything?"

"No."

"Not a bleeding thing."

"Anything else unusual? "

"We’d got your bloody scroll, we were standing about yapping, and suddenly all these demons attack, with these bleeding big swords… I threw Buffy a sword, we…"

"Did you catch it?" Giles asked.

"’Course!" Spike looked at Buffy for confirmation.

"Yeah, no big Giles, we fight together so often, I always know where Spike is, and he knows where I am. " Spike nodded.

Giles looked at them sharply. "It seems unusual to me, but then I’m not a superhero. I know a good fighter always track his opponent, but you can apparently extend this sense to Spike as well?"

"He’s a vampire, Giles, I have a special sense for vampires; and I know Spike. So I can feel him within a hundred yards, if I’m paying attention."

"Interesting. Neither of you look particularly exhausted; glowing might be a better word?"

Spike and Buffy simultaneously crossed their arms and legs. Giles’ eyebrows rose.

"No after affects?"

"No!"

"Nope. You done, Giles? I’m really tired, and Dawn is home alone."

"You go on home, Buffy, I’ll go wrestle with the remains of this scroll."

"See you tomorrow, Giles!"

Buffy left, not saying goodbye to Spike, or even looking at him.

"Spike? Care to help me with the scroll?"

"Sorry, Watcher, not tonight. Not feeling quite up to it."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The spell is already working

"Spike? Hi! Can I come in?"

Dawn peeked around the door of Spike’s basement. He sat slumped in a chair, staring at nothing. She was shocked at the way he looked. If she saw him on patrol, or in the Magic Box, he acted withdrawn, without all the talk and sarcasm, but fairly normal and together. Now his face looked ravaged, as if he had been up all night crying, like when he first came back.

It scared her, all this grown up emotion, but she went in. It wouldn’t be right to walk away from a friend in need, even if that’s what all these grownups did all the time. Because Spike wouldn’t. He’d always help, no matter what it cost him.

"You look terrible, Spike! Anything I can do for you?"

"Why are you here, Nibblet? Don’t think big sis would approve!"

"None of her business if I visit a friend in a free hour!"

"You sure I’m your friend, are you? Do you even have any idea of the things I’ve done?"

"Oh Spike, who cares? You’ve never done anything to me, and I know you never would. Anyway, I’m…"

Spike got up and poured himself a drink. He forced a tight smile at Dawn. "You’re sweet. You know how many sweet sixteen year olds I’ve killed?"

"Spike, I don’t want to know. You were different then! You haven’t done anything like hat for years."

"Buffy thought I wouldn’t hurt her. She trusted me. And you know what happened? I…" He stopped himself just in time. Not PG material.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "I know that too. Xander told me, and Buffy explained what happened. She’s a Slayer, right? You could never really hurt her, she’s stronger than you!"

"It’s not that simple."

"Why don’t you make it that simple? Grownups always let themselves be stopped by making things more difficult than they really are."

Spike smiled, a real one this time. There was no arguing with Dawn. She thought he was okay, nobody could tell her different. "Well, Niblet, you have something on your mind? Say it already!"

Dawn sat down, face completely excited, even before she started talking. "We…I just discovered yesterday that I’ve gotten really strong! Almost as strong as Buffy. I don’t know why, but I think I’m a Slayer, just like I wanted! Isn’t that great?"

Spike looked surprised. She hadn’t seen his face that animated in a long time. "Didn’t see that coming! What did you do? A spell? And what does Buffy think? Won’t make her happy!"

"Not everything is about Buffy! This is about me… I want to be a Slayer. A good one, like Buffy. Will you train me?"

"Me?"

"You could totally do it! You're way more about fighting than Giles! I’ll ask Anya if we can use the training room, while Buffy’s working."

"I’ll think about it, Nibblet."

**********

Spike was late, that evening. All the Scoobies were already there. He didn’t know why exactly he bothered to show; it wasn’t as if anyone had invited him. But the routine gave him comfort, like patrolling did.

"Hi Spike!" Dawn chirped happily. Some of the others waved or mumbled something. Buffy said nothing this time. Usually she said "Hello Spike" in this very even, impassive voice. He thought he actually preferred the silent treatment to that awful voice.

"Well, er, Spike, I’d better recapitulate, because we’ve already started," Giles started reluctantly. Recapping? For him? That was new!

"Don’t bother, Giles, I already told Spike!"

"When, exactly, did you tell Spike?" Buffy said in her disapproving Mom’s voice. Not one of his favorites, either.

"Hey, I can drop by Spike’s when I’m done with school, so no big deal, okay?"

"Huh."

"Well, Spike, all the others have already given us the benefit of their thoughts. What did you think?"

This was becoming pretty peculiar. First the Watcher wanted to recap for his benefit; now he wanted his, Spike’s, opinion? Downright eerie! "Apart from the fact that Watcher here is being all kind and thoughtful like? I’d be right suspicious. Something’s going on. We find an Ascension Spell, it mentions a Slayer’s replacement, suddenly Dawn’s all Chosen and whatnot? Sounds like this spell is already working. Sounds like the Watcher and his pals don’t get to choose the Sacrifice, but that Dawn’s chosen herself!"

They were all looking at him with these gobsmacked expressions. Like he was their dog who’d started talking. The bloody Watcher even looked at him with respect. Something was different there. Something to keep an eye on.

"Impressive, Spike. That’s just what Willow and I thought."

Xander got mad. "You already made your mind up? Why did you let us rack our brains this last hour?"

"One should always keep an open mind, Xander!"

"Shut up, guys," Buffy said. "Let me get the gist here. We don’t do the spell, ‘cause it’s already started?"

"Right."

"And the participants choose themselves?"

"That seems to be the case, yes."

"Are you saying there is nothing I can do about Dawn 'sacrificing' herself for me?"

"I don’t know for certain, Buffy. There may be a way, but... you can’t be unchosen either. Do you really want Dawn to be unchosen?"

"Of course!"

"Buffy! I’m happy! I’m going through with it."

Buffy stood up. "I can’t deal with this. Not on top of everything else. I dreamt last night I was turning into a vampire and I….killed somebody…and my stomach feels like there’s a lump of lead in there, and …" There were too many things she couldn’t talk about with all of them here.

"I think you should take a night off from patrolling, Buffy," Giles said gently. "Get some sleep. You look tired."

She sat down again. "I…yeah. Maybe it’s just tiredness. I hope it was not a prophetic dream. Let’s get back to these wonderful exciting scrolls."

Giles shot a look at Willow. "Er, Willow and I’ve been continuing our vampire-slayer discussion of last week, and, basically, the scrolls confirm most of our speculations."

"Are you kidding us, G-man? Like Buffy is destined to make with the vampires?"

"I’m afraid so, Xander. The bond between vampire and slayer is sealed by, er, sex and blood." Giles polished his spectacles. A certain sign of more embarrassing revelations to follow. "Mutual blood drinking is required. Needless to say, not enough to drain or turn the Slayer…"

There was a strangled sound from the direction of the ladder. By the time everyone had looked up, all that could be seen was a retreating back and a split-second impression of a wretched face.

The door slammed.

Buffy turned back to the table. "Okay, Giles, so you’re saying –" when she was alerted by the quality of the silence.

She looked up and found all eyes on her. She felt a terrible sinking feeling in her stomach and the blood drained from her face. It was like a high school nightmare. All faces turned to her, judging, and finding her wanting.

Her friends found her wanting.

Buffy’s brain had in no way processed why yet. Still the blood rushed back to her face and neck, leaving it burning and tingling. She opened her mouth, wanting to ask why, just as Dawn broke the accusing silence.

"For god’s sake, Buffy, what does it take for you to show some feeling?"

Buffy saw Giles and Willow give little nods in agreement. Her face kept burning and burning. She turned to look from one to the other, wanting to say: "But it’s me, Buffy, I’m the Slayer, I’m your friend, you can’t judge me."

"Come on, Buffy," Willow said, "If you’re not gonna go after him I will."

Buffy turned to Xander, expecting to get support from there. He wore the same look. "Look, Buffy, you know I hate the guy, but he’s just so broken, and he was your boyfriend…"

They were sorry for Spike? And judging her? Not because of having slept with him, as she’d once feared, but for not showing compassion? Buffy couldn’t speak. She got up to leave, compelled by their stares. She walked to the door like a puppet on a string, unable to withstand the pressure to go.

Once outside, with the door closed, she had to lean against a wall for support. She felt physically queasy from humiliation. It was worse than the most awful days in her old school, when she’d first discovered she was the Vampire Slayer.

She mentally shook herself out of it and went looking for Spike. Not in his basement. She tried the cemetery, his old crypt. No one there, no Clem. Abandoned and filthy. Willy’s? Too dangerous for him now.

The Bronze? Not the best place for a good cry, but you never know.

It was quiet in the Bronze. Spike was sitting alone at the bar, head down, nursing a drink. Buffy went up to him and stood, waiting to be acknowledged. She felt more than heard his sigh. At last he turned his head and looked at her.

"Now what?"

"Everyone was worried about you. I wanted to see if I could help."

"She’s worried, no less! Should the object of pity be all grateful now?"

"Are you alright, Spike?"

"No, of course I’m not sodding alright."

"You wanna go somewhere quiet? " Buffy asked.

Spike just looked at her.

"My house?" she elaborated. "Bring your bottle, and we’ll drink and talk together."

"Yeah, and that’ll end well; like me holding you while you throw up?"

"Come on!"

Resistance was futile. Spike picked up his bottle and followed the Slayer home.

When they went in the familiar front door on Revello Drive, Dawn was in the siting room, engrossed in a teen show. Spike followed Buffy upstairs. He made to walk into Buffy’s old room, but she shook her head and said: "I moved to Mom’s room. Time to leave behind the teenage decoration."

"New Kids On The Block poster dating you, right?" They shared a smile. Suddenly that made things uncomfortable again.

Buffy hung up her coat. Her hand moved to Spike’s old black leather coat that was hanging next to it. She looked at Spike. He’d slumped down on the bed, bottle in hand, looking at his feet. What to do now? How to comfort a grown man? Would a good cry make them feel better, or worse? Buffy decided to just make it up as she went along. She sat down next to him. She put her arm around him and drew his head towards her shoulder. She heard an odd sound from Spike. He was laughing.

"Is this how girls comfort each other when they break up?"

"You’re the most annoying, infuriating..!"

Almost immediately, the snarky humor left Spike again.

Buffy put her arms around Spike again, very firmly this time. "Shut up and cry. Or talk. I’m here to listen and comfort, so make use of it."

Spike rested his forehead on Buffy’s shoulder, and breathed in her well-remembered scent. He felt an unexpected peace stealing over him.

She sat patiently on the bed, waiting for the crying bout, or whatever was going to happen. Spike grew heavier and heavier. She finally thought to check if he was asleep. He was.

So, men reacted to comforting more like babies, she thought, instead of crying like girls would. Interesting. She carefully put Spike down on the bed. He didn’t wake up.

After some deliberation Buffy put on her sleeping T-shirt and crept in behind Spike. What the heck, she thought. Won’t hurt. It was surprisingly easy to fall asleep like that, cuddled up to Spike.

*******

Buffy woke up in exquisite comfort, nose pressed against the smooth skin of …Spike's neck? She woke up a little more and disentangled her arms and legs from their position against and around Spike. What time was it? Shit, she was going to be late for work! Silently she padded around the room, collecting clothes, shoes and make-up. She noticed she'd even remembered to close the drapes last night. Imagine waking up to an armful of dust…

Should she leave a note? Buffy decided against it, having no idea what it should say. Spike ought to be perfectly capable of getting himself to his basement safely. Or he might still be here when she got back; vampires slept all day, didn't they.

Buffy threw a last look at the sleeping form on the bed. Spike’s face in repose looked like that of an angel. Had this been a wise move? Compassion might sound like a good thing, but it couldn't it also be read as encouragement?

Spike heard Buffy shower and leave for work. He'd lain motionless for hours of mingled torment and bliss, after he’d woken up in the middle of the night enfolded in warm Buffy-arms. How to interpret this action of hers? Was this bringing home a mangy stray, or should he be hopeful? He'd once prided himself on being able to read her like book - only to discover he'd been wrong all along. She hadn't loved him. She said. Buffy'd never been big with the words: should he therefore trust her actions to express what she couldn't say? There were too many contradictions for his overburdened brain, and having a soul didn't help at all.

With a sigh he got up and showered. Time to risk the sunny day.

*********

"Giles?"

"Yes, Buffy?"

"Before I, um, went away last night: were you really talking about blood? Vampire and Slayer drinking each other’s blood?"

"Yes, yes, that’s correct. But, since you assured me Spike had never bitten you, I wasn’t particularly worried." Giles started. "Buffy! Please don’t tell me – "

"Well, like, not Bitten bitten, not in game face, but you know, in the heat of the moment…"

Looking at Giles’ completely wigged face: "…with human teeth, okay, like you’ve never bitten someone while having s…"

"I really wish I didn’t have to know al this," Giles said fervently. "And no, I haven’t. Look, Buffy, can I at least be assured that you haven’t ingested any of Spike’s blood?"

Buffy’s face said enough.

"Buffy, have you gone insane? Drinking vampire blood? Even if it’s a drop at a time, it could be highly dangerous."

"It wasn’t exactly drinking…"

"Ï don’t want to hear how you did it. It was extremely foolish, and I simply can’t believe you didn’t think about what you were doing. For all I know, all exchange of bodily fluids with a vampire might be dangerous!" Giles started furiously cleaning his glasses.

"Hey, in that case I would have been a vampire long ago!"

"What!?"

"Spit, Giles, I meant spit! Angel and I kissed a lot! Geez!"

Giles’ eyebrows were still raised. Buffy flapped her hand.

"Okay, okay, the other thing too."

"This was easier when you were sixteen. I could simply disapprove of this and tell your mother to ground you."

"Yeah, and that really worked!"

Buffy suddenly remembered something. "Giles, we always forget to mention Dracula. Did I ever tell you I drank his blood? And that was way more than any bite or scratch I gave Spike. And it only made me more powerful, more able to tap into my powers."

"That is precisely the effect the scrolls promise. After all, Slayer blood has a strengthening effect on Vampires."

"Could there still be a bond with Angel? If I drank his blood?"

"It’s about sex and blood. Angel’s out." Giles dabbed at his forehead with his hanky. "I feel more empathy with these historic Councils, trying to bury these bits of Slayer lore, than I ever could have imagined."

"So, I should not be looking for a nice human boyfriend, but a nice vampire boyfriend?"

Giles looked at Buffy, trying to assess her state of mind.

"Buffy, while I can sympathize with you on finding these matters profoundly disturbing, I must point out to you that it’s no use your trying to pretend that your…liaison…with Spike never happened. As uneasy as it may make you, you and Spike have probably fulfilled the conditions stated in the scrolls for him to be the Slayer’s Eternal Champion. Think also of how the spell already seems to be in place; Dawn being able to put herself forward as the sacrifice."

Buffy grasped at the one straw that seemed to be on offer.

"So it’s about conscious volition! About a choice. If Dawn hadn’t wanted it, she wouldn’t have been the Sacrifice. Right?"

"Yees, " Giles drew out slowly. "That would be right."

"Therefore, if either Spike or me doesn’t want this it won’t happen."

"Correct in principle. Remember that the scroll mentions our innermost wishes? I hope you are completely sure on all levels about your feelings about Spike?"

"Can anyone ever be? " Buffy said, but she turned her face away from Giles when she said it.

*******

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"How did it go with Spike last night? I looked in on you and saw you sleeping on the bed? You gonna be together again?"

"Please, Dawn, that was so not what this was about! Spike was so…down…it was about comfort, trying to be compassionate!"

"Why did he wig about drinking Slayer blood? He never bit you, did he?"

"Well, he did, sort of, not like a vampire bite, but…"

"Buffy – you mean….That is so gross! Ew! Is that why you looked so beat up all the time last year? And…Spike, on your birthday?"

"Yep, that was me. Not a great moment in my life, huh?"

"Now you’re wigging me, Buffy. Is that what Slayers do? Beat up their lovers?"

Dawn saw tears silently slide down on her sister’s cheeks, but she couldn’t find it in her heart to offer comfort.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy is channeling her inner counselor

"Slayer." Delivered in the emotionless tone he used of late.

"Hey Spike! Good to see you. Hey, how about a little fun tonight?"

"Wha…"

"Let’s split up for, say, quarter of an hour, and try to stake as many vamps as we can. Demons count as well. Loser pays for drinks!"

"What the hell are you so chipper about? Never seen you like this before?" Spike grumbled. Oh god, she wasn’t in love, was she? Gotten laid? Please, no…

"Had a good day at my job, Dawn made dinner, the boots I wanted were on sale…No special reason!"

"Not in the mood for games, Slayer."

"You’re never in the mood for anything anymore, Spike! Um…I didn’t mean…"

Spike rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, know what you didn’t mean."

Buffy sighed. "Did you notice I’ve changed?"

"What? You’re all happy and quippy again you mean? Yeah, I noticed."

"No! I meant opening up, speaking my feelings, being forthright…"

Buffy saw his eyebrow rise. "You?! Sorry, love, least forthright woman I know. You keep it all inside, ‘cause you’re afraid of showing what you feel. Don’t wanna be known, I guess."

"Hey! No need to get all snarky about it. I meant it as a compliment, you know. Not that you don’t take honesty too far, or used to, but you’re my role model here."

Spike nearly fell in an open grave. Then he started laughing. Buffy didn’t know what to make of it. She hadn’t seen him laugh for the better part of a year, she guessed. No more funny, snarky Spike. All hurt and anguish, these days.

"You’re the greatest!" he gasped. "That’s a backhanded compliment if there ever was one!"

"I mean it! I’m a kinda counseling now, you know, and I started thinking who I knew who was perceptive about what people are really feeling, and I came up with you. Not that you have tact, but you do always know. Used to," she amended. "Or maybe you do, but since you hardly talk anymore…"

"Liked that too, did you? Never exactly gave that impression…"

Honesty, openness, show your feelings! Buffy recited to herself. She took a deep breath.

"Yes, I liked the talk and the snark and the attitude. You were a great enemy and a great " - Spike waited for the dreaded ‘f’ word – " …Slaying buddy. You were funny. I miss that."

That was out, Buffy thought, peeking at Spike, trying to judge the reception of the new Honest Perceptive Buffy.

"You know, Joan really liked Randy. She didn’t mind the bumps and ridges."

"Yeah. Randy really liked Joan too. But we’re not them, are we? We know who we re, and where we’ve been. Makes things complicated."

What else do you feel, Buffy? Can you say that? Do you miss it? Spike thought. I’d know it if she was getting any, wouldn’t I? Vampire sense of smell, after all. Or would she know enough to clean up really thoroughly? Buffy couldn’t guess at Spike’s response. His face, that used to be her radar screen for every feeling and nuance, was carefully impassive.

"I really meant what I said about perceptive. Remember Willow? The accident with Dawn? If you hadn’t sort of pointed it out to me, I would have left here there. I was just mad at her, I wasn’t even thinking of her in terms of somebody needing to be rescued as well. But you did. That makes you more perceptive than me, and a pretty good person too. Even pre-soul!"

Spike was silent for a long time.

"Thanks," he said at last

"I miss seeing on your face all that you feel. I always knew where I was with you. It made me feel safe." She flashed on the emotions she’d seen on his face: Hate, lust, love, surrender, anguish, horror…

Spike swallowed and looked away from Buffy. It sure was working, all this openness. It scared him. He didn’t want to feel all hopeful and adoring again all of a sudden. He tried to focus firmly on hopelessness and life-without-Buffy. Leaving Sunnydale as soon as he could. But he hadn’t been able to so far, had he?

"Really determined to get it all out in one shot, are you? What’s with this? You seeking ‘closure’? Part of putting all that’s happened with the Spike behind you once and for all?" Spike’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

"I’m not done yet!" Buffy replied, and went on: "Um, you know, the other night? After the big sword fight?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"I’m sorry I made you do something you didn’t want to do. I didn’t mean to make you feel worse."

Spike’s throat felt all clogged up. Must be the pig’s blood.

"It’s okay," he managed hoarsely. "Not as if you did it on purpose."

"No, no, of course not, it must have been a spell…"

"About that spell – did the Watcher find out anything about it?"

"No, not yet – he did look at me all funny, though, like he knew something…"

"Yeah, me too – you didn’t tell him? Don’t wanna be staked next time I drop by the Magic Shop!"

They shared a smile and walked to the other end of the cemetery in silence. Still, the atmosphere was different. A little lighter.

Buffy and Spike decided to call it a night.

"Thanks for slaying with me, Spike, makes all the difference having you along!" Buffy was determined to keep up the comrade-stuff, just to make patrolling with Spike more comfortable. Things hadn’t really changed after the "sleepover’.

"No problem, Slayer," Spike answered, without looking her in the eye.

"Spike," she plowed on, "why don’t you come on over for a video and popcorn?"

"Um, well, no thanks, Slayer. Got things to do."

Buffy played her trump card. "I know Dawn would like to see you!"

Spike looked up with surprise. "But… Slayer, she sees me every day while we’re training! Surely that fills her need for my company?"

Buffy felt stunned. "Training? With you? Every day? I… I didn’t know! How long has this been going on?" She began to get angry. "She should have told me! And you should have checked with me first!"

"But Giles is usually there, and Anya of course, even Willow sometimes. I reckoned you knew!" Spike felt a twinge of some emotion he couldn’t place.

Buffy kicked at a clump of cemetery grass. "So everyone knew except me? Great, just great. Why keep the big sister in the loop? No, let’s not, she might interfere. You’re damn right I would interfere, I don’t want Dawn trained that well!"

"Look, Buffy, I’m sorry! Dawn should have told you. You’ve every right tot be mad."

They walked on in a different kind of silence.

"Here’s my exit, Slayer. See you tomorrow." Spike strode off.

When Buffy came home, Dawn and Janice were there, watching some teen movie. Buffy felt old and weary. She decided not to chew Dawn out, defy everyone’s expectations of Bossy Buffy the Evil Sister. She’d check out the training session tomorrow after work.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy has a bloody revelation

The following day, Buffy went to watch Dawn’s training session. She wanted to observe without their knowledge, so she slipped in the back door of the training room.

Dawn and Spike had already started.

Buffy saw only Spike. He was dressed in a gray tank top and sweatpants. The color brought out his pale skin and bleached hair in a completely different way than his usual black. He looked like a Greek god in sweats.

She watched them spar. Spike made the fighting look like dancing, every turn and kick were consummately graceful. Buffy drank in the way his muscles moved under his skin when he flexed his arms, and his buttocks bunched when he sprang. He executed a jump and turn, looking at Dawn over his shoulder. He called out instructions to her, laughing at her retorts. He seemed relaxed and happy, dodging the stray sunbeams of the late afternoon.

Buffy felt as if she’d been kicked in the stomach. Spike never acted this playful around her anymore. She stuffed her fist in her mouth to keep from sobbing.

How could he, when she loved him so much? The realization hit her like a hammer blow.

How could she have been so stupid? So blind? That lump in her innards had been love? And now it was too late, Spike didn’t even look at her anymore!

Buffy hunched over in pain, silently crying.

"Buffy, is that you?" Giles called. "I thought I heard something. Buffy? Is something the matter?"

"Please…" Buffy lifted a tearstained face. "I don’t want them to see me!"

"They’re gone, we’re alone."

Buffy wept on Giles’ chest. "O Giles, I’ve been so stupid, and now it’s too late, and I love him so much. I don’t know what to do!"

Giles sighed and patted her shoulder. "I take it we’re talking about Spike?"

"Uh-huh," Buffy mumbled into his sweater.

"You don’t think he’s in love with Dawn, do you? Because I haven’t seen any sign of that. He acts more like a father, or an elder brother."

"No, no, I didn’t mean that… he just hardly talks to me anymore, he doesn’t laugh, doesn’t look at me… " Buffy started crying again.

"Buffy, we’re talking about a…man, albeit a vampire, who’s been patiently and persistently wooing you for years. He even went so far as to get a soul – to become more worthy of you, I’ve always presumed. He may not be in a good place right now, but why would he stop loving you all of a sudden? Have you even told Spike you love him? "

Buffy shook her head. "I realized it only just now…seeing him training with Dawn, having fun… I don’t see that side of him anymore… I guess I’m jealous. I tried to be friends again, but he didn’t want to play."

Giles looked at her over his glasses. "If I loved a woman, I wouldn’t settle for being her friend either!"

He shook his head. "I can’t believe I’m giving you love counsel: how to date a vampire!"

Buffy managed a laugh through her tears. "I can’t believe I’m telling you this! It must be so boring, all these clueless youngsters with the love problems!"

"Not boring at all, Buffy. After all, we still don’t have a clue who’s fated to be your Eternal Champion!"

"You still think it could be Spike?"

"A most unlikely choice, I would have thought not so long ago – a vampire! But now, with all these hints about Slayers and Vampires in the scrolls, these strange tales you’ve been telling me about energy spells – about which I’m sure you’ve hardly told me everything – " Buffy blushed. "I thought so! - We should look into that! Still – not the shining hero we had in mind, is he?"

"Oh." Buffy said in a small voice. "So no need to tell Spike, I guess. He might still get booted out for the Eternal chump."

"Your decision, Buffy," was Giles’ response.

"Yay to the choices of adulthood. Make your own mistakes, make them again and again, and then it’s too late and you have to make do with some do-gooder creep," Buffy said morosely.

Giles started to leave, but paused in the doorway to add some last words: "My advice in matters of the heart is, that honesty is usually the best course of action."

"And with that parting shot, he went back to his love-free, problem-free life, leaving Buffy to her own devices!" Buffy called after him, but got no answer.

"Honesty? Okay, I can do honesty… I think… Once more unto the breach, she said!"

She put on her determined face and set off for Spike’s place.

********

"Knock knock! Hello-o Spike, can I come in?" Buffy called out politely, remembering past behavior.

There was no answer. She decided to go in anyway.

Spike was apparently about to shower. He was dressed only in his gray sweatpants.

"You look good in gray," Buffy said inanely.

"You came to tell me that?" Spike asked, eyebrows raised. He turned his back on her. Such a beautiful, touchable back, Buffy thought. She wished she could run her hands over his skin again. She wished she’d appreciated it a little more at the time.

"I…I have to tell you something, Spike. It’s important. To me." She took a deep breath.

"Spike, I think I love you."

Spike turned and stood stock still, staring at her open-mouthed.

Buffy continued with some difficulty: "I thought I should tell you. I know last year you would have been really happy to hear this. I hope it is not too late?"

God, that was awful, she thought. It was so much easier when he did the talking!

Spike finally spoke. "Well, yeah, it bloody well is too late!" he exploded. "Why tell me now? What’s the point? So we can have a relationship for all of three weeks, before you ride off into the sunset with your holy bloody knight? I’m not settling for that!" He slammed his fist against the wall, leaving a deep crack.

"God! You bloody women! Don’t recognize a good thing when you have it, and when you can’t have it anymore, you want it! I’m bloody well not going to love you anymore!"

Buffy’s eyes started to drip tears and her lips wobbled. She reached out to him.

"Please, Spike, can’t we just try? I don’t care about the eternal stuff, I’ll just stay in Sunnydale with you!" She was begging; how more honest could you get?

Spike grabbed her shoulders. "Buffy, I’m not sodding standing in the way of your destiny! You deserve it!"

"What if I sodding want you to!" Buffy cried out desperately. His hands on her shoulders felt like heaven, like they were melting right through her. She wanted to disappear in those hands and never come out again.

"No, Buffy, I won’t, not again. Like I said before, all or nothing!"

"But I’ll give you all!" Buffy cried. "We can be together forever!"

"And sentence you to Sunnydale forever? Not going to do that, love, not gonna to screw up your life even more."

"And this is not gonna screw it up? Why are you making this decision for me? Are you like Riley, like Angel, like Giles, deciding to walk away for my own good? You always let me make my own choices before!" She looked up imploringly.

Spike pushed her away. He sank into a chair with his face in his hands. "Please go away, Buffy."

Suddenly Buffy knew exactly what he was feeling. "You’re lying!" she said. "You still feel guilty about the bathroom thing. You think you’re not worthy! And you’re covering with this crap about my destiny. Well, grow up! I’ve forgiven you. You should forgive yourself!"

The door slammed.

Spike looked up. Buffy was gone. He sagged in relief and crossed the room to pour himself a whiskey with trembling hands. That had been close.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giles and Buffy are trying hard to persuade Spike

A few nights later, Spike was sitting in his chair, well into the second bottle, staring at nothing, when there was a hesitant knock on the door.

"Sod off!" he slurred, and stumbled to the door. It was Giles.

Spike stood blinking. "Not selling info tonight, thank you." He made to close the door.

Giles didn’t budge. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you."

"Well, that changes everything of course. Do come in and make yourself at home," Spike said with heavy sarcasm, gesturing at the bare basement. Giles gingerly sat down on an empty packing crate. He took his glasses off and started to polish them.

"So," Spike said, and leaned back in his chair, "what does the Watcher want from me this time?"

Giles looked up sharply, and then laughed ruefully. "Fair enough, I suppose. We never do visit you except when we want something from you, do we? And I admit, in a way this time is no different. I’ll just skip the preliminaries then."

He looked at Spike, seeing a lonely man, who was having trouble fighting his demons – his past. He actually felt a bit guilty laying more on him. Well. Better get started.

"A few weeks ago, Buffy came to me for advice. She'd just had something of a painful revelation. I couldn’t really help her, of course; but I did give her some counsel. I said to her, that in matters of the heart, honesty was the best device. What I wanted to ask you: did Buffy, in fact, come to you and tell you what she felt?"

Spike sighed. "Is nothing private anymore? Yes, she did."

"But it hasn’t seemed to change your relationship, has it."

Spike leaned his forehead in his hands. "No, it hasn’t."

"Spike, I’m sorry to be poking and prying into something this personal, but I feel it’s important. I think that whatever there is or isn’t between you, it pertains to Buffy’s Ascension. To be precise, it’s about the Eternal Champion."

"Well, what about the bleeding bastard? I didn’t take Buffy up on her offer, so the way’s clear for ‘im!"

"The point is, Spike, that I think **you** are most likely the Eternal Champion," Giles said gravely.

"What?! You're out of your sodding mind, Watcher! I’m a vampire remember! Grr! Aaargh! We’re evil! Not lily-white Holy Grail material!" Spike retorted vehemently.

"Certainly, that is how you started out! But I think that over the last few years you’ve shown yourself redeemable. At first, you merely refrained from doing evil due to the influence of the chip. Then. Mostly out of love for Buffy, you actively joined the side of the Good. You’ve acted selflessly not only for the sake of Buffy, but also for Dawn and the other Scoobies, whom you had no such feeling for. And lastly, you loved her so much that you got a soul to be truly worthy of her. Not something to make your life easier, but to be a better… creature."

Spike sat motionless. Giles continued after a few moments.

"You yourself have given me a few remarkable pointers on the connection between the Slayers and vampires. Eros and Thanatos, sex and death. Well, you two have been, er, intimate, and are attracted or condemned to death and violence. And in spite of what you did not tell me, I suspect something more happened in that battle at the cemetery than just brilliant cooperation between two co-workers. There is some magical connection between you even now, isn’t there? That is not random magic, Spike. It’s a result of the Ascension Spell, slotting the two main players together, even before the ritual."

No reaction from Spike.

"Now, Buffy loves you very much, for some reason. I think that being the Slayers loved one is even more important than all the other reasons I’ve given you just now. All these factors lead to the inevitable conclusion that you are the designated Eternal Champion."

Still Spike didn’t answer.

"My god, man, what are you waiting for? Don’t you love her anymore?" Giles cried out, clearly not believing this.

Spike raised his eyes to Giles.

"I don’t know. I hardly feel anything except guilt these days. Yeah. Buffy came to me. Loves me, she said. Ready to give up Eternal Prat and stay with me in Sunnydale. Should have made me the happiest vamp on earth, right? But it didn’t. Couldn’t feel it. Can’t accept it. I could feel what she felt, of course, I always did. I just can’t react to it. The soul and the memories get in the way."

Spike fell silent again, not looking at Giles.

Giles lost his temper. "It makes me sick to see you wallow in guilt like that. Snap out of it! We have no time for this nonsense!"

"Don’t you know what I’ve done?"

"I think I’ve a pretty good idea. What’s the guilt trip about, the thousands you’ve brutally murdered or the one attempted rape on Buffy?"

"Buffy," Spike mumbled nearly inaudibly.

"Well, I know you’ve got many years on me, but grow up! Apparently she’s forgiven you, so move on and forgive yourself!"

"That’s what she said", Spike said with a ghost of a laugh.

Giles looked surprised. "Good for Buffy. And now I’ll make it crystal clear to you: I’ll be expecting you at the Ascension ritual. As a participant!"

The door slammed shut.

*******

Someone was banging on his door again.

Bloody hell! thought Spike. That makes three nights in a row!

"Can’t a bloke have a quiet moment around here? " he yelled, hoping to scare the visitor away.

"I’m thinking, no!" Buffy said, and walked right over to him. Something in her face made him start to rise out of his chair and get out of her path, but he was too late.

Buffy punched Spike right on the nose. He toppled over, chair and all.

"What the hell did you do that for!" Spike said in an injured tone. "Thought you were too mature for violence!"

Buffy hauled him upright, mashed her mouth to his in a hard kiss, and then threw him across the room on to his bed. In one leap, she sat astride him and clicked his hands in a pair of handcuffs she must have brought. She went on to shackle his ankles and fastened both cuffs to the bed, leaving Spike stretched tight and pretty much helpless.

"You see, Spike," she said in a conversational tone, settling herself again on his prone body, "after my last, not so pleasant talk with you, I had a good think. I noticed my tactics of honesty, crying and begging didn’t work out so well. And if your plan isn’t working, in love as well as in battle, go to plan B. And my plan B is based on advice a certain vampire I once knew gave. He said:

‘I want her back, I just have to be the man I was. The man she loved. I'm gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place. I'll find her, wherever she is... and I'll tie her up and torture her until she likes me again.’

"Remember?"

Spike groaned. "Yeah, I do. I also remember it didn’t do him much good. He got kicked out again in no time."

"Aha, true, but - " Buffy lectured with on finger in the air, "I have it on good authority that the bloke in question was already in love with a certain Slayer. Of course his ladylove didn’t go for that. In my case, I’m assuming there’s no other girl involved… " She looked at Spike threateningly.

Spike looked away. "‘Course not," he muttered.

"So, my love," resumed Buffy, "you gonna say the magic word right now, or are you ready for a spot of torture?"

Spike couldn’t deny that the prospect of being tortured by his Slayer seemed irresistible. Also, to be called "my love" for the first time was doing strange things to his throat. The feeling of her warm hips on his was doing not so strange things to his cock.

Best not to give in too soon, he thought, takes all the fun away.

"Don’t know what you want to hear. Wouldn’t say it if I did!" Spike said staunchly.

"Okay, her comes the torture!" Buffy started stripping off Spike’s black T-shirt very slowly, lightly rubbing his cool white skin.

"Um, Slayer," Spike growled, "you promised torture. You forgetting the blood and pain part?"

"There are many ways to torture a creature! Just you wait…."

Spike was slowly divested of his clothes. Buffy paused many times to kiss and fondle parts of his body, always just stopping when it started to be interesting. The slow pace was making Spike increasingly impatient. He began to get what kind of torture Buffy was inflicting.

Buffy took off her own top and bra, not hastening. She took the bra and slapped Spike’s chest lightly with it. The motion made her breasts jiggle. Spike couldn’t keep his eyes off them. His hands strained to touch her, but he was far too tightly cuffed.

Buffy bent forward and trailed the tips of her breasts over his chest. Her nipples became hard. Spike moaned as he felt the hot little pebbles against the coolness of his skin. Buffy crawled forward a little, her blue-jeaned butt crushing his cock in the process, not unpleasantly. Spike moaned again. Buffy offered the tip of one small breast close to his mouth.

"Say pretty please…" she whispered. Spike shook his head, incapable of speech. Buffy bumped the nipple gently against his mouth. Spike couldn’t help himself. He grabbed the nipple with his lips and teeth and sucked hard.

Buffy cried out in mingled pain and pleasure.

"Come here!"

"Nope!" she said brightly, and slid off him to take off her boots.

"Slayer!" Spike growled, getting desperate.

Buffy laughed. The sound made him dizzy with longing. "You know what I want from you!" she said.

She took of her jeans and sat on top of him again, positioning herself just so his cock rubbed against her soft warm belly. The feel of her was unbearably hot. Spike moved against her as much as she could, but it wasn’t enough by far. Buffy lay down on top of him. She kissed him softly on his nose and eyes, at the same time stroking his scarred eyebrow, then slid her hand around to his nape, where under all the gel there was a nest of soft hair.

"Spikey…" she crooned into his neck, and started to lick her hot tongue over his tightly corded muscles. "Spikey… just relax, and say the words, I’ll make you so happy…"

Spike felt as if he was going to self-combust and burst in to tears at the same time.

"Buffy, please stop," he said in a strangled voice. "Really can’t do this, love. It was a sweet thought, really appreciate it, but this is gonna solve nothing. We’re adults, Buffy. A little play-acting and some nice sex are not gonna be the answer to all the hard questions. Let’s just talk."

Buffy heard the difference in his voice immediately. Her face downcast, she climbed off him, unlocked the cuffs, and dressed.

They sat down awkwardly on the bed.

"Bad plan, huh?" Buffy said, a tremor in her voice.

"Buffy, no! It was really nice… letting me know you remembered…trying to do things my style. But, see, it’s the old Spike style. That Spike doesn’t exist anymore. Not so much the soul as, you know, the whole of last year… I told you so many times before, but you just didn’t wanna hear."

Spike looked at her. Was there even any point?

"So I did do the wrong thing again!"

"We all do, Buffy, Doesn’t matter that much."

"What are we going to talk about, Spike? Is there even any point? You don’t love my anymore, do you? Why not say it outright, and I won’t bother you anymore. Though I might cry."

Buffy was not far from it right now. Shit. She’d been so sure that this was the brilliant tactic that was going to wake him up, right back into her arms.

Spike took her hand with a sigh. "It’s not as simple as all that. Suppose I still loved you, suppose you loved me. Then what? Love is just a beginning."

"Spike, I don’t know what you mean. I think we’re way past beginning! You want a guarantee for eternity? I can’t give you that. Nobody could. Not even Dru and you made that."

He was silent.

"You’re just avoiding again, Spike. I know you still love me. For some reason you just won’t give in."

A beat.

"Beginning, huh? Let’s just begin again, okay. No grand talk about love, no sex. Just date, like normal people. Hold hands while we’re on patrol, have dinner, go Bronzing…"

"We’re already holding hands, love."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are Spike and Buffy together now? Yes!

Buffy was waiting for Spike to show. Funny, the way people never seemed to be early anymore when you cared if they showed up. She’d been going over her feelings about last night until she didn’t know what they’d been anymore. Had it gone well? Was Spike her boyfriend now? There’d been all kinds of undercurrents she couldn’t name.

She almost wished for last year’s simplicity again. If she wanted Spike, she’d go to him and he’d be there, all happy and eager to see her. If he wanted her, he’d show, she could say either yes or no, her decision. Although for a while it had always been yes. She had wanted him, even then.

Now Spike had a soul. In theory, the way was clear for love without problems. But in reality, she had no idea what would happen tonight. What he would say. When they’d said goodbye that night, just holding each other, no kiss, she’d felt happy, and very sure about him. The when she woke up this morning, all certainty was gone. Would he even show? She didn’t really know how to deal with the new fragile Spike.

There he was. Buffy whipped her head around. She couldn’t find him with her eyes yet, but other senses told he was near.

"Buffy," Spikes voice said softly.

A little uncertain Buffy went up to him. He stood looking at her in silence. She couldn’t read his face.

"Spike," she said equally softly and reached up to touch his cheek with her knuckles. She traced her hand around his head, down to his neck, and stood on tiptoe to kiss him. The soft kiss was so much like she remembered, and yet so different. The Spike she knew threw himself into every action with abandon, always going for the moment, not caring about tomorrow. This Spike looked and tasted the same, but there was a hesitancy in him that was new.

Buffy sensed Spike looking at her. She opened her eyes and tried to look back, but his face was too much in the shadow.

"You sure about this, love?"

"No," she said honestly. "But I’m willing to try."

Spike’s arms slid around her and he pulled her towards him.

"You sure I’m not still an evil disgusting thing?"

"No, same answer again!"

Spike’s voice wasn’t quite steady.

"You know, Buffy, this is everything I wanted for ages. And all I could think about today is how incredibly pissed I am at you!"

Buffy couldn’t believe her ears.

"I kept seeing this film in my head, of all the times you blew me off, beat me up, or was just plain nasty to me, for no good reason. You bloody well put me down all the time, and all I’d done wrong was love you. You were insulted that I could presume to love you. You thought I was beneath you."

All Buffy could think was: He’s breaking up with me? Already?

"Don’t look so scared, love. I’m not breaking up with you. Loving is about forgiveness. And I want to forgive you. It’s just…I wanted you to love me without the soul."

"How can you say that, Spike? How could I let myself love a soulless being? The worst thing is that I did, you know. I loved you, and I trusted you, and I felt so ashamed of myself for doing that. And look what happened…"

"Are there no human rapists, then?" Spike said bitterly.

"You couldn’t have raped me, Spike. I’m stronger than you. I let it go on for so long because… you always knew what I felt. I trusted you to do know that then, too. But you didn’t. I thought I’d hurt you so badly that you…Can’t we just forgive each other?"

"I want to."

They held on to each other tighter. Buffy tried to press every inch of her body to Spike’s. They fitted so perfectly together. This was that wonderful feeling she remembered, every fiber and nerve ending tingling sweetly and glowing with anticipation.. Only now she didn’t have to put away those feelings or label them ‘wrong’. She could call them ‘love’.

"What’s the plan for tonight?" she murmured in his neck. "Let’s walk home?"

"Dawn?"

"Sleeping over at Janice’s " Buffy answered. "You want to keep it secret?"

"It’s the keeping quiet I was thinking about, love…"

In spite of the tremor she heard in his voice, the words themselves gave Buffy a delicious thrill in her belly. Yeah, she planned to make some noise later on…

"Hey," she said a little gruffly, grabbing his shirt with two hands, making him look into her eyes, "No bluffing, okay? If you’re ready, you’re ready, if you’re not, you’re not."

They walked the twenty minutes to Revello Drive, not speaking, just holding hands. Buffy noticed that Spike slowed down as they neared the house, and her hand was definitely being crushed. She saw him swallow.

"What the matter, Spike? You’ve been to house since you came back, right?"

"Yeah, but not like this – feels different, being taken here – holding hands an’ all …" Spike looked into her eyes as he said that but his hand shook in hers.

Buffy felt touched by his obvious emotion, but some of his apprehension washed over her as well. She vowed she would get him back to trusting her again, if she had to talk and drag him through every inch of the way.

"Okay," she said impulsively, "I’m no good with the big words, let me show you how I feel…"

In one swift motion she grabbed Spike by the torso and behind the knees, and carried him up the steps and over the threshold like a bride. "Welcome to my house!" she grunted, as she put him down in the hall. Spike felt quite giddy somehow, and had to hold on to Buffy to prevent himself from falling.

He took in the broad grin on her face with wonder. "You have changed", he said, trailing his hand over her glowing face. "Don’t think I’ve ever seen you this exhilarated…"

"Yeah, can’t think why," she imitated him. "It’s you, you moron! You make me feel like this!"

Spike felt his lips stretch in a smile as wide as Buffy’s. He was feeling it, he was actually feeling happy. He caught her close to him. He was like a bottle of champagne with the top off, all the fizzy wine on the verge of spilling out.

"I love you so much!" he blurted out. He wished he hadn’t said that. Those words must hold the track record for causing Slayer retreat. But not this time. He sensed the flush spreading over Buffy’s skin and her heartbeat faltering once and then speeding up unbelievably. He couldn’t help but start kissing those warm lips and cheeks, hearing and feeling the blood rush in even more. Words kept bubbling out of him, uncontrollable, "Buffy, sweetheart, love, my Goldilocks, my Slayer, mine, mine, mine…" and instead of driving her way from him they had the opposite effect. He couldn’t believe it, she was pushing even closer to him, kissing him back, looking at him, really looking at him, who would have thought a look from her eyes could excite him far more than her hands on him? She did, she did put her hands on him, and he could take it, he wouldn’t panic, it was okay, he trusted her, she wouldn’t…

Spike was lying on the stairs, his head at the seventh step or so.

Buffy was looking at him strangely. "Spike…" she hesitated. What had happened? "Spike, you fainted or something! You okay?"

He felt so ashamed. He’d done it all wrong again. The great love scene, hero and heroine reunited at last, and the bloody stupid hero faints with excitement and fright. Well, he had been carried over the threshold like the heroine, right? He started to get up, he’d just sodding leave, this clearly wasn’t meant to be, when he saw the corners of her mouth start to twitch, and then she was laughing? Laughing at him? But she put her body on his, her head in his neck and she had this giggle that said "laugh with me, you were being silly" and he did! He could laugh with her and touch her, and she was so warm, and he must be about tepid now, she was heating him up so nicely, the friction of her hot callused little Slayer hands on his belly causing bolts of pleasure in his groin, god it had been a long time…

The stairs were just fine, here on Joyce’s ugly little rug-thing or whatever they called it. His hands knew what to do, even if he wasn’t so sure. His hand slid up her back, under her top. The feel of that smooth skin under his fingertips was magic, and he could feel all the little hairs on her back stand up, and she made a little sighing noise, and moved against him, so warm she was, so hot, and she made him gasp, as if he really need to breathe, but it was just a reflex…And then her top was off, and his shirt, and those silky little breasts were sliding over his skin. He opened his eyes hastily, he shouldn’t forget to look, she was looking at him so greedily, with her flushed face and her mouth a little open. If she just kept looking into his eyes he would be fine, he would know he was still real, and she could see it too. Thank god the body knew what to do, was reacting as it should when her hands unbuttoned his jeans and freed his cock, all eager and happy and shiny for her, and why were they still on the stairs? Then he was in her, oh the heat, and now she was under him, how had that happened, and for a moment that threw him off, flashing back to his worst moment, but he persevered, had to make new memories….The feel of her, and her scent, and the motion of their rocking bodies, were anchoring him, he was feeling more solid now, the body was not controlling him, he was controlling it.

Spike growled deep in his throat, and Buffy felt his chest reverberate against her, felt it in her stomach, and the look in his eyes made her feel a little spasm deep inside, almost there now. The heat was coming off her in waves, her face must be blood red. He flipped them over, not losing contact for one moment. And she was on his lap, while he was leaning on the stairs, much more comfortable for her than those steps digging in her back, but she only noticed that now they were gone. She held on to the banister, and pushed with her knees, sliding slowly up and down the length of him, torturing him a little, because she knew he wanted it to be really hard and fast right now. She knew because she remembered. She wanted it too.

And there it was, the feeling of surfing up a giant wave. She tried to make it last, she wanted to wait it out and see him come too, but although his mouth was open and his eyes were starting to squeeze shut, she went first, unbelievably rippling sensations crashing through her, radiating out from her womb to her whole body, finally forcing her to make some noise, as she’d promised herself, some noise alright… and he was still looking at her, had wanted to see her climax and she gasped: "Love you Spike" and that set him off, as she just knew it would, and she watched him squeeze his eyes shut and buck and spasm, and he groaned so heartfelt against her neck, it almost made her cry.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Scoobies are surprised, others less so; preparation for the Ascension

"Hey girls! We’re here!" Xander called out. He and Willow had come over to pick up Dawn and Buffy for a night of Bronzing.

"In the kitchen!" Dawn called out. They found her stuffing the last crumbs of a messy snack in her mouth.

"You be careful of all that food, now, Dawnie!" Xander said. "You don’t want to be taller than me!"

"Maybe I could be a supermodel," Dawn replied, sashaying up to him with exaggerated movements.

"Yeah, they probably have lots of vampires you could slay in Paris and Milan!" Willow put in with feigned enthusiasm.

"Okay, ladies, I’m raring to go, with all of you. Where is my number three lady? Not back from patrol yet?"

"I haven’t seen Buffy all day, really. I slept over at Janice’s, then we went to the mall, and she wasn’t here when I came in. Maybe she thought we’d meet at the Bronze? I'll check her room to see if she’s been dressing up."

"And you would know how?" Xander asked.

"Well, there would be the twenty outfits she decided not to wear strewn about the room!" Dawn giggled and went upstairs.

Xander and Willow heard a door opening upstairs, a small squeal, and then Dawn came running back down again. She was wearing a huge smile and winked at Willow.

"Um, guys, there was note from Buffy that she’d be straight over after patrol. We should just go already!"

"Okay, ladies, let yourself be driven in the shiny Xander-mobile!" Xander gallantly held the door open for them.

Willow signaled "what, what" to Dawn. Dawn put her finger to her lips, and motioned at Xander.

"Spike!" she mouthed.

Willow’s eyes bulged. At last! she thought. At least somebody's in love!

The girls let Xander walk ahead to his car.

"It was so cute," Dawn whispered. "They were sleeping, all spooned and cuddled up!"

"I’m so gonna tease her!" Willow whispered back. "Don’t say anything to Xander, though. You know how he gets."

"I do! I won’t!"

**

"Spike?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you mine?"

Spike let go of Buffy's breast and looked up to her with his blue eyes. "Always!"

"Is that the same as eternity?"

He drew himself up till his face was level with hers and gave her a long look. "That's a decision that should be renewed every day. Voluntarily. So…not gonna be a part of your ascension, love. I don't trust magic. I'll be with you always, at your side or guarding your back, but not because I'm bound by a spell."

Buffy swallowed her initial disappointment and pondered his words. "You think there's more to it than me being Happy Free Immortal Slayer who gets a bonus love package?"

"Maybe. Maybe not." Spike settled back into the cushions and put his arms behind his head. "But if I can't influence it, I certainly won't trust my life...unlife to it. Or yours."

"How can we avoid? Giles seems to trust in the prophecy."

"Yeah, right, 'cause he trusts anything as long as it’s written on parchment! He doesn’t question these prophecy thingies enough. With magic there's always consequences - usually not so pleasant ones. By intent, or as side effects, doesn’t matter, one should always be leery of magic."

"But, you know, immortal Buffy – don’t you think of the benefits? I could die any time, of course, but I certainly will in fifty years or so. What would you do?"

‘Buffy, two days ago I didn’t have you. Now I do, maybe, but it’s a lot to take in. So, perhaps I’ve traded peace of mind for a couple of weeks of love "- shutting her up with a look -"we can’t know what the ritual will bring. If it’ll change you.

Point is, I chose that. Didn’t have to. Thinking about eternity is pointless anyway, it’s too big to grasp. My solution about immortality is taking it a day at a time."

"But…what if the spell makes me fall in love with the Eternal Champion?’

"Still not gonna do it. I’ll have to take my chances."

They got sidetracked by other matters, such as the kissing of breasts with cool lips, or the tracing of well-defined abdominal muscles by hot fingers. Spike leaned over Buffy, sliding his fingers over her smooth skin in a long slow sweep from neck to knee, raising goose bumps on the way. His nails scratched softly over the buttery skin on the inside of her thighs. He started licking her belly, his cool tongue almost sizzling against her quickly warming skin.

Buffy looked at the difference in their coloring: Spike’s marble white shoulders contrasted against her pale gold hips; his platinum curls against the dark hair between her legs. She arched her back when he unfolded her secret places with his clever lips. Her hands grasped his forearms and started to knead them rhythmically, keeping time with his lapping. She gave herself over to pure sensation, losing all thought and purpose, existing only for the deliciously slow buildup to orgasm.

***********

Xander and Willow were having a companionable silence, stirring their coffees of the month, eyes idly roving the dance floor, watching Dawn dance with a few girl buddies.

Suddenly Willow noticed Xander stiffening up. His face set in an un-Xanderish mask of fury. "Look! I can’t believe it. She’s here, dancing with Spike!"

"Not Anya?" Willow said, turning her head to see.

"No, Buffy!"

Yes, there were Buffy and Spike, slowly dancing to the music, closely entwined. Their rapt faces clearly showed that they noticed nothing that was going on. They saw only each other.

"I’m going all mushy and gooey inside," Willow whispered. "Isn’t that sweet? At last?"

"So, Buffy couldn’t do without her little vampire sexbot," Xander sneered. "I thought better of her. I thought she’d seen the error of her ways and stopped it once and for all. But no, human guys aren’t good enough for miss Superhero Summers!"

"Oh, come on Xander, it’s not as if we haven’t seen that coming for months!"

*********

The doorbell chimed. As Willow looked up, she saw Buffy coming in, alone.

"Hey Buffy!"

"Hey Willow," Buffy replied cheerily. She sat down at the big table next to Willow.

"Buffy, you sound all happy…looking forward to the ritual?"

"Why would I be looking forward to that, exactly?"

"Well, you know, you were all: who’s gonna be my champion?" Willow wiggled a little in anticipation. "And now you know!"

"Hmm!" Buffy looked at Willow sideways. "I thought I heard somebody open my door last night! Was that you?"

"No, Dawn, but she told me. She was so happy for you guys! And guess who we saw, glued together on the dance floor in the Bronze last night?"

Buffy blushed a little. "It’s not all puppies and roses yet, but it feels great. We’ll work it out together."

"How is the, um, you know, supernatural sex bit?"

Buffy blushed a deeper shade of red.

"It’s so cool, Buffy. Eternal sex? Whoa!"

"You know, the whole Champion stuff? It seems sort of unreal."

"I can tease Spike, though, can I please?"

"Tease away….here he is!"

Spike felt the red witch’s eyes on him the moment he came in. She was sitting next to Buffy, heads close together. He knew they’d been talking about him. There was giggling, and assessing looks, designed to make males uncomfortable. He wasn’t sure yet how he felt about that part of finally being Buffy’s boyfriend.

Willow looked up at him in anticipation as he neared the table. He swaggered a bit, looking more like the old Spike than he had in a long time. Buffy gestured for him to sit next to her. Spike looked longingly at his safe spot on the ladder. There was much to be said for camping on the outskirts of Scoobiness…

"Hey Spike, had a nice first date last night?"

"Um, yeah?" Spike answered guardedly. What was she up to?

"You know, it’s customary to go on a first date before sleeping over at the girl’s?"

He grinned back at her. She was teasing. That was fine with him. Just like a real boy.

Giles came in, carrying a pile of books. His glasses slid down his nose when he saw Spike actually sitting at the table. He gave Spike a telling look. Spike looked back blandly.

Giles rubbed his hands in anticipation. "I prepared to-do-lists for you all, with Willow’s help; all kinds of stuff to collect; meditations; schedules and so forth."

"We’re that far already?" Buffy asked. "I thought there were lots of things we till had to discover. I thought maybe we could put it off! I have no champion yet!"

Giles frowned. Willow and Dawn looked surprised as well.

"I thought…" he began, but was interrupted by Xander, who’d just come in bearing pizza. He noticed Spike sitting next to Buffy.

"So, Spike-man, degraded back to boy-toy? Oh no, in your case that would be a promotion…"

"Cut it out, Xander," Giles said wearily.

Buffy threw Xander a dark look. "I didn’t give you a hard time about your demon, you don’t give me hard time about mine, okay?"

"She’s defending you!" Willow said softly in Spike’s ear.

Yeah, he’d noticed. Was having a hard time fighting a triumphant grin, as a matter of fact. Aw, bollocks, why fight it? Spike flung his arm possessively about Buffy’s shoulders and gave Xander the benefit of his sexy leer. "Sorry love," he whispered to Buffy, "can’t resist!"

Buffy looked at him indulgently and mussed his hair. Dawn mimed gagging to Willow and they both dissolved into giggles.

"Could you all please stop channeling your former selves?" Giles said acidly. "I was so happy to put that stage behind me."

Chairs were shoved around, pizza was doled out, but eventually everyone was settled and looked expectantly at Giles.

"Alright, then. Next Saturday is a full moon. The moon is only visible during the day however, so it seems the most auspicious to start the Ascension Ritual at noon precisely. Will you be able to make it, Spike?"

"No problem, Watcher."

"I want you all to fast that day. That means, Xander, no eating all day, literally nothing, and drinking a minimal amount of water. Also I want you to bathe, and I’ve got an individual packet of herbs each to season your bath water. Each packet of herbs is specially mixed to suit your Ritual Persona."

"We never did this stuff before, Giles!" Xander sniffed his herbs suspiciously. "When we did the First Slayer ritual I was all sweaty and full of Cheetos."

"These preparations are Willow’s contribution, Xander."

"I learned a lot in England, guys. Alignment with the forces of earth, pure body and pure spirit are very important for magic, especially white magic."

"Huh." It still made Xander uncomfortable when Willow talked about magic.

"And I want you to meditate. Cleanse your spirit, your mind and your soul. Try to be a blank slate."

Willow caught Buffy and Dawn making faces at each other. "Hey! This is serious stuff, okay."

"Should we meditate before the bath, during, or after?" Xander asked.

"Wash your back, sweetheart?" Spike said _sotto voce_ to Buffy. She smiled back.

"Ahem! Giles!" Willow put on a stern voice. "You forgot to mention that fasting also means abstaining from physical gratification!"

"What?"

"No sex – duo or solo!"

"Again with the what?" Xander looked confused.

"No shagging, no wanking," Spike said helpfully.

"Thank you, Spike, we would never have guessed," Giles said pointedly.

"Still confused here," Buffy said. "Last time you said the spell was already working. Why do we have to do the ritual?"

"We can’t be sure without the complete prophecy. Also, you’re still here. It seemed safest to follow the ritual as best as we can."

"Yeah, ‘cause there’s still no Champion!" Xander added.

"Er, yes, but I’m quite sure that some way or other a Champion will be provided." Giles looked at Willow for support.

"Yeah, there’s absolutely going to be someone", Willow improvised quickly. "Maybe it’s someone who’s in Sunnydale already?"

"Yeah, right." Xander was now definitely suspicious. "Is there something you’re not telling me? Because I wouldn’t like? It’s Spike, right?"

Spike dipped his face towards Xander, brows raised. "No. Not volunteering here."

"Then who?"

Giles and Willow were thrown.

"The prophecy is crystal clear on this point. There will be a Champion, that’s all I can say."

Xander stood up. "If you say so, Giles. Okay, Mr. Working man is going home. Anybody needs a ride?"

All hands went up. Xander was at a loss. "Who’s gonna walk home and not have hurt feelings?"

"Spike and me will walk," Buffy said. "We can patrol on the way home. See you Saturday!"


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Ascension ritual at last

Willow and Giles had drawn the magic design on the floor of the training room. Buffy was fasting, as Giles had requested. So was everyone else, she supposed. It made her feel very hollow and hyper.

"It’s nearly twelve!," Giles called out. "Time to take up your positions!"

The original Scoobies took up their designated places: Willow, spirit; Xander, heart; Giles, Mind. Dawn took the position of Hands, or Sacrifice, the place that originally had been Buffy’s. Anya and Spike had the task of standing guard over the participants. The position for Eternal Champion was still empty. Giles had assured them that everything in the scrolls indicated that the Champion would be provided for, or revealed somehow.

Giles looked at Spike, but the vampire stood staring at nothing, arms folded, face unreadable.

"Before we start, I want to say something to all of you," Buffy said. "We don’t if I’ll be taken somewhere and how long it takes; so if I’m back in five minutes what I’m going to say will sound pretty silly, but I still wanna say it. Even if I’m no good with the words. First my Slayerettes; thank you for standing by me for all these years. I know it hasn’t been easy on any of you.

Giles, you’ve been like a father to me – and you do it a lot better than the original version, I think you know that.

Willow, you’re my best friend, and always will be in my heart. You always come through.

Xander, you’ve been like a brother to me all these years – and you’re the bravest of us all, ‘cause you have no powers to help you.

Anya, thank you for your support, and your great honesty. We’ve needed that.

Dawnie, I can’t believe that I’m letting you do this – except that you made the choice and somehow the spell accepted it…I hope it’s everything you want. I love you."

"Spike, I…" Buffy’s voice broke. She wiped away moisture from her eyes. "Spike, we talked about this, so I’m not going to say much here. I just wish…I wish..." you could have been my Eternal Champion, because I could spend eternity with you…"

Buffy was sobbing now. Dawn and Willow felt tears coming to their own eyes.

"Goodbye Spike. I love you always. Can we begin now, Giles? "

The last shackle around Spike’s heart finally broke. In two strides he crossed the magic symbols to Buffy.

"Buffy…I love you. I’ll always be there for you when you come back. Even with Prince Charming around, if you want me to."

Spike took both her hands in his big ones. "Kiss me goodbye, Buffy," he whispered.

They looked into each other’s eyes. Nobody noticed yet, but the diagram was starting to glow faintly, all by itself. Their lips met. A golden radiance burst from the magic symbols around Buffy and Spike. The fire raced outwards to encompass the four other positions. Another ray of light burst upwards, glancing off Spikes platinum-blond hair, crowning him with golden fire.

"Yes!" hissed Willow. "I knew I was right! Spike is the Champion! It was meant to be!"

The line of fire started weaving around Spike and Buffy, wrapping them in a cocoon of light. The light grew brighter, unbearably bright, and then collapsed inwards on itself. For a moment there was a last spark, then there was nothing but empty space where Buffy and Spike had been standing. Slowly the glowing lines dimmed and went out, leaving the five standing in the gym, completely stunned.

Giles coughed. "I say, that went well, don’t you think?"

They all took a deep breath and started talking at once.

 

It was already mid-morning, that Sunday, when he Scoobies started dropping in one by one. Anya provided a huge pot of coffee, on the assumption it would be much needed. They’d sat in the shop until deep in the night, discussing the day’s event and drinking.

Xander, predictably, refused to acknowledge that things had gone well. "I don’t believe for one moment that Captain Peroxide could have been meant as Buffy’s champion. It’s ridiculous! Buffy and her Champion are meant to be a force of good! What about 'seeing their children and children’s children grow up’? He’s a vampire! And he’s evil! And I don’t like him."

Giles interrupted. "The spell takes what’s in our hearts and transforms it for its own purposes. This wouldn’t have happened if Buffy hadn’t loved Spike…and we all know he’s loved her for a long time!"

"Love!" sneered Xander. "You call that love? I’d call it lust! Who wouldn’t be hot for Buffy? Doesn’t mean he’s good for her!"

"Yes, Xander, we all know that you are jealous – but I don’t agree with you, " Anya said positively. "I think Spike is the perfect champion for Buffy. He’s already immortal, a supernatural warrior, a very caring, insightful man – "

"What! Are you insane!" Xander sputtered.

"- he loves Buffy, he’s incredibly beautiful and sexy…I think he’ll make her very happy. "

"The idea of them on some ascension plane with fluffy clouds, humping like bunnies, makes me sick!" Xander continued, oblivious.

"Xander, shut up!" Giles and Willow said simultaneously.

"Xander, if the Powers find Spike worthy, and most importantly, Buffy does, than we should refrain from judgment. Did you not notice that the ritual, if you can call it that, started on its own? I think what happened was that the last piece of the puzzle slotted into place. The three of us had been identified long ago; Dawn chose herself for the Sacrifice Position; I think what happened here was that Buffy realized who she wanted to be her champion ( or did some time ago, in fact); probably Spike at last accepted in his heart that he was worthy - and that clinched it. I don’t think Willow and me chanting the spells and waving burning herbs would have been able to change anything about this."

"But Giles.. then you knew? You knew Spike was going to be the champion and you did nothing to prevent that?" Xander couldn’t mask the hurt in his voice.

"Willow and I did discuss the possibility that Spike was the Champion some time ago; knowing that Buffy cared for him. Anyway Anya, I agree with you completely."

"Whoa, Giles, you think Spike is sexy too? " Willow giggled. "But I’m with you all the way, Anya."

"Me too!" added Dawn.

Anya glowed. Xander glowered.

"So Giles, you have any idea how long they’ll stay on the higher plane?"

"I don’t know," Giles had to admit. "Perhaps it was in the burned part of the scroll; but there were enough indications that they will return to this reality, to live out their lives in happiness and serve the forces of good. It doesn’t say when they will return. Our time and time in another reality may not run parallel."

"But, since I think magical numbers in our reality still have significance, we might return here 7 hours, 7 days, 7 weeks after the event.."

Fortunately, this recital was interrupted by a glow starting in the middle of the abandoned diagram.

"Giles, look!" Willow said." Something is happening. Should we assume positions? "

As soon as they were in place the glow strengthened. What happened was the reverse of last day. When the lighting dimmed, in the middle Spike and Buffy were standing. Spike had been caught in the middle of looking backwards at someone, giving a salute. Buffy stared straight ahead, expression unreadable.

Buffy let go of Spike’s hand and ran to Giles, embracing him tightly.

"Buffy! What happened! You look – actually, you look just the same!" Willow said.

Buffy and Spike shared a glance.

"You tell ‘em, love," he said.

Buffy rubbed her neck. At Giles’ glance, she said: "It itches. But the scars are gone. I guess I am kind of immortal now, no scars, no fillings, no bunions! Pretty cool, huh?"

"At the beginning, Buffy?"

Buffy looked at Spike again. "Spike and me had been talking about the whole Eternal Champion stuff, and we had decided we didn’t really want to play. But as you saw, we got kind of caught out by the spell. You were also right about consent, Giles, it matters. And Spike didn’t give enough of it. So there was some – speech – stuff – beautiful music, yadda yadda yadda, I don’t really remember, and then we got sent back. Were we away long?"

Spike remembered. They were in a chapel, and they had knelt down, and he had been given communion. He hadn’t been thinking about Buffy, only reveling in the completely unexpected sense of homecoming, even though he had never truly enjoyed church. He had felt the taste of the bread on his tongue, and the sip of wine, and the benediction on his head. There had been a presence, with an ineffable sense of holiness. He didn’t dare put a name to it, Him, but there had been forgiveness, and an unmistakable command to let go of his hubris and accept the judgment of others on his worthiness.. So he had bowed his neck and accepted his yoke. And when he received it there was grace, and gladness in his heart, and he knew at the end of the road there would be a place to rest his weary soul.

"That was very… concise, Buffy," Giles voice cut through his reverie. "I still have some questions, though."

"I didn’t know concise meant garbled?" Xander asked. Five pairs of eyes told him to shut up.

"Have you ascended or not?"

Buffy spread her hands. "I guess…Spike agreed to do it, after all."

"Why weren’t you willing at first, Spike? I thought you loved Buffy!" Willow said curiously.

"Yeah, so what? Doesn’t mean I wanted to be a pawn in somebody else’s game! Doesn’t mean I wanted Buffy to be tied to me with magical chains. Love is voluntary. The whole eternal thing gave me the willies." He paused. "But something convinced me – I accepted. It’s done."

Giles looked from Spike to Buffy, perplexed. "Buffy! You almost sabotaged the Slayer Spell, that’s supposed to have been in place for thousands of years?"

"Why not? " Buffy shrugged. "The result would have been the same, right? Spike and me would have stayed anyway to train and protect Dawn, until--- I don’t know until what. We’ll make it up as we go along. I didn’t – Spike didn’t want to be all pre-destined for eternity."

Giles looked at Spike with both approval and speculation on his face. "What changed you mind, Spike? You seemed pretty determined!"

Spike did not answer, only smiled absently and fiddled with something in his pocket, his eyes never leaving Buffy. His Slayer, his reward and his penance.

Dawn went up to Spike and hugged him. "I think it’s great, Spike. You can protect me any time you want!"

"Hey, wait, we’re not finished!" Willow protested. "I wanna know about the living happily ever after? What’s gonna happen?

"Get over it, Willow," Spike said, but his voice was gentle. "Why not throw in the white picket fence and the 2.4 kids? We’re not exactly regular people!"

He put his hand in his pocket again, and curled his fingers around the small silver cross he felt there. There was no burning anymore, only coolness and solace. Some day he’d tell them about his own private epiphany.

THE END


End file.
